In Praise of Drunk Jo's
I've been hesitant to write this one, since we here at Blog know that no one under the age of 21 can relate. But I've been collecting stories and I think I'm equipped.
Let me paint you a picture: it's 12 a.m. on a Saturday night. You've been at Dream Haus / Findy / Crew / Beta Rho for too long. You're sweaty, the substances in which you have partaken are starting to wear off. One of your friends is in the corner making out with some rando. It's time to leave. But where should you go?
To go home at this point in the evening would feel like a failure. The night is still young! And that means only one thing. It means visiting an old friend, one who is there for you until 2 a.m. every night. A friend who has seen you at your worst, so many times, you can't even remember some of them. One who waits for you with open arms: Josiah himself. But you like to call him "Jo," and when you go to see him, you like to say "Let's go to Jo's." And everyone around you gets pumped to go to Jo's.
For those who don't know, Jo's is Brown's late-night fast food eatery, home of the Spicy With (a spicy chicken sandwich with cheese) and, my personal favorite, onion rings. It's like McDonald's that takes points and BearBucks. And doesn't have soft serve ice cream or Shamrock Shakes. But it does have quesadilla night.
You know the drill — this time of year, you stumble into warm Jo's, underdressed for the icy conditions outside. Because beauty is pain. And because nowhere is toxic masculinity more evident than in the guys who think it's cool to not wear a jacket when it's snowing. But, I digress. This is about Jo, not you, frat boy. Stop taking up so much GD space.
And when you arrive, you see everyone you've ever met. The person you were kind of friends with in one of your classes and forgot about til right now. Your old roommate. The older people you think are cool. Your friends disperse to greet their acquaintances, then regroup to sit at the end of some already somewhat occupied row of tables.
Sometimes, you sit down and give someone else your card to bring you onion rings. Some people have been known to cry when their onion rings were not brought to them with the appropriate amount of ketchup, but I'm not naming names here. The point is, Jo's brings people together. Cards are swiped, points are shared among friends. Security guards are hired to combat the popular refrain: "Jo's is free."
One can laugh at all the intoxicated people trying to pretend they're not when they try to order. I'm sorry for the people who work the late shifts on weekend nights. Thank you for all you do, brave caretakers of drunk students.
The least dehydrated (drunk) person will fetch the rest of you water in a way that makes you realize they're concerned for your health. Soon it will be late enough that you feel good about going to bed, knowing you'll feel slightly better in the morning now from your time with Josiah. Decide if you'll meet your friends at Ratty or Andrews at 11 a.m. the next day, and then go to sleep, after a night out well done.