10 tips to keep the cold at bay
As Providence reaches into late fall and colder weather, signs of cold weather rejection are popping up everywhere. “Sweater weather” may have been a quirky term for fall, but as we near the oh-so-foreboding winter, just as the leaves evolve from yellow to red to brown and dead, “sweater weather” evolves to “sweater-under-two-jackets-under-winter-coat weather," which, as it happens, is not as quirky. Many things evolve during the fall; sunlight into clouds, flowers into sticks, eager freshmen into dead souls. You might ask if this means you’re at risk of turning into a snowman. But, don’t worry; here are ten completely non-sarcastic, legit tips on how to keep the cold at bay as winter approaches.
1. Acknowledge it
The first tip is also the first step. Don’t be in denial of winter, as I have done too often. Even as the days neared 60 degrees, I was still wearing flip flops. Yes, it was partially because I ran out of socks, but it was also because I refused to acknowledge that it was nearing the end of fall, of happiness as I knew it.
It took a whole cold/fever to start putting fabric on my toes. PSA, folks: layer up early. Who cares if people are staring at you because you’re the only one wearing a winter coat, gloves, and a ski mask in a classroom?
2. Turn up your radiator
I didn’t say this wasn’t going to be a list of obvious tips. But this one comes with a caveat: waking up with a bloody nose. What will help with the Saharan-desert-dryness of the radiator is to buy a humidifier. Pro-tip for those of us who are broke: there are cheap ones on Amazon! (Or you could always just have someone breathe humidified air into your face as you sleep.)
3. Stay inside - did you know it’s warmer inside?
Studies have shown that the temperature is, on average, much warmer indoors than outdoors. That is, of course, unless you are studying in the SciLi basement. Not only is it cold there, but the noiseless 00 decibel area even seems to emit cold air; maybe it’s the lifeless souls who hunker down there, working on the paper that’s due in five hours.
4. Build a snowman to keep your cold, dead heart alive
The cold has a phenomenon: the mirror effect. The quicker winter approaches, the faster we become cold and dead inside, much like the season itself. It’s kind of like Frozen, where Anna gets hit by one of Elsa’s snow powers and literally turns frozen. And, much like Frozen, the thing that can keep us from becoming cold and dead is to focus on the snowman. Yes, it might be cold outside, but rolling big snowballs, putting a carrot in the top one, placing button eyes on, and using sticks to form arms might just warm you up inside. Snowmen are cute. Maybe you could even match with one on Tinder. He’d probably be better than the rest of the thirsty men on there.
5. Snowball fight
More things to do with snow when it comes! Instead of a snowman, if you’re too lazy, just make little snowballs and throw them at people. It’s a coping mechanism: re-directing your anger at the cold towards your anger at people. You can throw snowballs at anything and shout “snowball fight!” in good cheer, and no one would think twice. It’s such a great attitude: fight off the cold by fighting with the cold.
6. Penguin huddle with friends
This one’s a little harder to do if you don’t have any friends. But, in the event that you do, humans produce the best heat. Get intimate and get close. If you weren’t going to use a radiator, I would suggest piling a bunch of your friends into your room and instructing them to start doing jumping jacks. I guarantee that that effect is better than any radiator.
7. Drink boiling hot water
If you burn, you can’t get cold. Facts. (Note: may hurt a bit.)
8. Take a hot shower, and stay in the hot shower
Warm water is the best deterrent for a cold. So, it makes sense that if you stay in a hot shower, you’ll never get cold. Your grades may suffer, but your soul will soar. This also comes with side effects, though: you might turn into a prune.
9. Hibernate
This is much like taking a warm shower. It’s common knowledge that bears hibernate, and since we are the Brown Bears, we might as well embrace that identity and hibernate over winter. Eat tons of food (literally)! Build a cave! Start a fire in that cave! Fall asleep! Never come out of that cave until the weather reaches 50+ again! Doesn’t that sound like such a great plan? We all know how much college students love sleep, the rare commodity. Might as well take advantage of the winter and use it to catch up on all that sleep we lost out on.
10. Give up, drop out, and book it to Florida
Maybe you conclude that winter is just impossible to deal with. Giving up is an alternative. I’ve already stepped on the Pembroke seal more than I’ll admit (still confused if I’m getting pregnant or if I’m not graduating – maybe both?). I might as well drop out now, right? Maybe choose somewhere warmer to chill (without the chill). Florida winters, I’ve heard, are nice. And there are beaches! Sun! You could pull an early retirement and leave the cold behind you. You could just...let it go.
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