Flognonian: Where you can't, shouldn't and don't make out on campus

It's just that time of the year. The flowers are blooming, the bees are buzzing, the seniors are scrambling - maybe its the good weather or the upcoming promise of the summer, but for some reason, hormones on campus are just raging. Its downright disgusting heartwarming to walk around and see so many young couples in love. But there are places where its more heartwarming to see two people sucking face than others. There are some places, in fact, where viewing this scene is not heartwarming at all. Some places on campus deserve to have their dignity preserved. Here are those places. Places you just can't make out:These are the places where it is just flat-out unacceptable:

• Class

Look, I get that some people take classes with their significant other (although I don't know why you would ever do this. What if you broke up? What would you tell your professor?). And hey, I'm no prude. Sitting next to each other? That's fine. Some light handholding in a big lecture? Okay. Some playful intellectual banter in a small section? Kind of cute. But any PDA greater than this is just disrespectful. We're here to learn, people. 

• The Ratty/ the V-dub

Apart from the fact that this is sort of unhygienic, it's like, come on. You literally came here to use your mouth for another specific purpose. You can quit making out for one second to satisfy your other basic human instinct. And think of me. I'm just trying to eat. I'm not trying to start anger-bingeing Taylor Swift and re-downloading Tinder while consuming my third bowl of french fries dipped in soft-serve ice cream in the hopes that it will fill the void inside my heart. Okay? Places you really shouldn't make out:

• The GCB

This is actually the location that inspired this Flog. The GCB is not like other bars. It is filled with random people who vaguely know you from your first-year Unit/ creative nonfiction seminar/ lab/ intramural sports league. These people will not come up and say hi to you, but they will recognize you and feel uncomfortable when they see you digesting someone else's saliva. On a more theoretical level, the GCB is supposed to be a holy sanctuary of friendship, a refuge from sexual tension and formal wear. The lack of a dance floor works to the GCB's favor in this regard; there is absolutely no dancing or grinding (if a couple starts grinding, for the love of God make them leave). You can by all means flirt in the GCB. But please do not escalate to any physical displays of affection. These can, and should, be taken out into the bathroom hallway so the rest of us can enjoy our friendship ciders and play pool in peace. 

• Blue State*

Although Blue State is not technically a campus eatery, it may as well be. The place is packed with students from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. but the biggest problem is, Blue State is not student-only. While some people might think this makes it more acceptable for PDA, I would argue that the presence of real adults makes touching each other in public even more taboo. But to each their own. The real issue with Blue State is that it is too much of a business location. There are always multiple ongoing college interviews, job-related coffee chats, club leadership interviews, etc. And I don't know about you, but as a seventeen-year-old, nothing would have made me more uncomfortable during my Brown interview than looking around and seeing two people making out over a latte and a grilled cheese sandwich. Abstain. For the children.*This applies to both locations. Places you don't make out:These are just places on-camps that I find to be kind of huge turn-offs. I can't really imagine anyone wanting to make out in these asexual locations.

• Sci Li basement

While I am strongly against making out in libraries in general (but not that opposed, hence why neither the Rock nor the Sci Li made this list), there is nowhere with more people and worse mood lighting than the Sci Li basement. Thank you, but no. I've never seen anyone get remotely frisky down here and, frankly, I'm not surprised. The basement is where you come when all other options have failed. It's where you come to gear up for an all-nighter; it is not where you come to make out. On the plus side, if you're meeting up to study with a class friend and want to keep it entirely devoid of sexual tension, welcome to the Sci Li Basement.

• The Nelson

First of all, the Nelson is packed with sweaty, gross people. And if that's not bad enough, there are sometimes either really young kids or really old men working out there - which is fine, but just not sexy. I also find that the Nelson is always just a little too warm. And, if you're still on the fence, just remember how terrible it smells. Places you can feel free to make out: Any of the greens, a far off-campus cafe like The Shop, any off-campus bar, a freshman/ sophomore dorm lounge (we all had roommates), the pool room under the Blue Room, Tealuxe, any party, the privacy of your own room.Images via, via.