Choose Your Own Adventure - Spring Weekend

Missed out on Spring Weekend? Forgot what happened? Want to relive it again? No matter your reason, here’s a Choose Your Own Adventure for this year’s Spring Weekend. Friday, April 26 5 pmYou’re back in your dorm after a long day of classes and “studying.” You have a project due on Monday and your friends just invited you to their pregame for Spring Weekend. You’re halfway through the project, but you’re really sick of looking at all the open tabs on your screen. You think about how long that NEULion line was, and how you just barely got tickets to Spring Weekend. You fought for those tickets, frantically refreshing the page and diligently playing Snake. But BCA issued a weather warning for tonight, and you’re a little conflicted on what you want to do. What do you do? Go to the pregameFinish the project, like a good (boring) student 5:30 pmYou’re in your friend’s room, playing Cards Against Humanity and Pangaea (somehow, at the same time) with five others: your lightweight friend, your average tolerance friend, your lightweight friend’s nosy friend, your stoner friend, and your tall friend. You’re each at least 3 cocktails in. Lightweight is lying on the floor, his hand gripping a half-filled red Solo cup.“Anyone want more drinks?” asks Tall, who has an insane alcohol tolerance, as she takes another shot. “Damn, I really shouldn’t,” says Lightweight, taking a swig from his cup. He makes another mark on his hand. He tosses the coin onto the cardboard and throws the “Bees?” card into the pile. “Is everyone going to the concert?” you ask.“Nah,” says Average Tolerance. “Some of us are staying back in the lounge and just watching movies.”“Or we can just sit and talk,” says Nosy, someone you’ve only heard about in stories, notorious for trying to get everyone to share their deepest secrets. “Mm, okay,” you answer. You contemplate your next course of action.  Take another shot.Stop drinking and just hang out. 5:35 pm You’re four drinks in, and there’s still Svedka left. What do you do? Drink moreStop drinking  5:40 pmYou’re five drinks in, and Tall just whipped out a bottle of peach flavored liquor. What do you do? Drink moreStop drinking  5:45 pmYou’re many drinks in. You’ve lost count. You realize now that the line at the bottom of the Solo cup is MORE than a single shot. Your friends are giggling and going through more rounds of Cards Against Humanity. What do you do? Drink moreStop drinking 5:55 pm“Let’s go!” yells Lightweight, finally tossing his Solo cup away. Somehow, he’s won both games. He sits up and heads for the door. “Who’s coming to the concert?”Tall and Average Tolerance get up as well. You look out the window, growing a little concerned about the weather. But you did pay $20 for this. You also really want to hear tonight’s lineup. “I’m not,” says Nosy. “Just sitting and talking is so much fun and so nice!”“It’s also just that I don’t feel like getting trampled tonight,” says Stoner, her eyes rolling around. “I’d have to fight so hard to get anywhere decent, too.”“The perks of being tall, I suppose,” teased Tall. “You’re going to lift me during tomorrow’s concerts,” says Stoner, pointing at Tall. “I hope you have strong shoulders.”“Everyone’s going to hate you.”“Let them.”“So Lightweight, Tall, and Average Tolerance?” I ask. “You guys are headed out?”“Yeah,” says Tall. “What are you going to do?” Go to the concertStay inside 6:00 pm“I’m also staying in,” you say. Tall, Average Tolerance, and Lightweight head out the door.“Gooooooodbye!” shouts Lightweight, grasping for the door handle.“Alright there, that’s enough,” says Tall, holding onto Lightweight and steadying him.After a couple minutes, Nosy, Stoner, and you leave the dorm, happily tipsy. You head to the lounge with a laptop and begin to list movies that you’d be down to see. This is definitely going to be a long process. Even between three people, choosing a movie was impossible for your group. “I’m thinking shitty rom-com,” says Nosy.“No, we gotta go with really stupid chick flick,” says Stoner.“What about something quality?” you suggest.Nosy and Stoner burst out laughing. “We have to go with the shittiest things we can find,” says Stoner. “So bad that it’s funny.”“Alright, let’s get started, then.” Continue 6:00 pm“I’m coming too,” you say, grabbing your coat and standing up. Tall, Lightweight, Average Tolerance, and you leave the dorm, happily tipsy. You see a couple drops of rain and you curse BCA for making this call. You line up along George Street, huddled together as the cold settles in. There’s about a hundred people in front of you.“I bet you we could probably get in front of those people,” says Average Tolerance.“Nah, there’s too many ESS people,” you say, some common sense returning to you.“You’re just too chicken,” says Average Tolerance. You’re offended that your friend called you chicken. You aren’t. Sure, you tend to try to be a rule follower, to try to stay in line. And yes, you’re afraid of authority, and you were the teachers’ pet in high school, and you took the SAT about three times to try to get that sweet superscore (only for the new SAT to come along and ruin life for you). So maybe you don’t really want to risk getting kicked out of line or, even worse, some random person thinking lowly of you. What do you do?Prove that you’re not too chicken by trying to cut the lineAccept that you’re too chicken. “I’m not too chicken!” you yell at Average Tolerance.You walk up George Street, past about twenty people to that one kid you kind of know from that one class you took last semester. “Hey,” you pipe up, waving at him. “How’s it going?”He looks up from his phone and pushes his glasses up his nose. He stands up straighter and looks at you up and down. “Uh...hi?” “We were in the same CS class, right?” Recognition flickers in his eyes. “Right! We were partners for that one lab…”You definitely don’t remember that lab. That entire class was a doozy. You’re determined to get that place in line, though. “Yeah! How’ve you been?”“Good, good.” He shivers. He’s still standing in line in a way that makes it impossible for you to squeeze in with your group of four. “You excited for this concert?”You glance at the sky, the clouds looming above and dripping on you. “A little concerned about the weather, but yeah.”He chuckles. “Yeah. I’m sure it’ll be fine. Well, I’ll see you inside, I guess! It was nice seeing you.”You failed your mission, but at least you tried.  Go back to your friends. 6:15 pm“Ugh, this line is so slow,” you mutter. “And I really have to go to the bathroom.”You curse your tiny bladder and the genes that provided it. You have the common decency not to just pee in some random place. “I think the nearest bathroom is probably just over there,” gestures Tall.You can’t really see where Tall is pointing, but you figure that you could probably find it. But you don’t feel like leaving the line. All these choices!  Go find the nearest bathroomWait to get inside and use a Porta-Potty    6:20 pmYou’ve been wandering for a couple minutes. Why are all the buildings locked at this time of day? Why don’t you live in Keeney? Why don’t you have any Wayland friends? You’ve walked down some random street you thought would lead you to some bathroom, but you’re inebriated and you don’t really want to run into any official people, and you don’t really know the way back, and you still really have to go to the bathroom. You’ve walked this far already, you tell yourself, you’ve come this far, and the nearest bathroom can’t be too far away at this point.  Keep going     6:30 pmAfter waiting in line for fucking forever, you show off your Spring Weekend QR code and go through those gates. You can already smell the warm cinnamon sugar from the (rubbery) churros, and you see the huge crowd gathered at the pit. A cascade of sharp brass cuts through the crowd.“Wow,” you say. You were never the biggest fan of big brass bands.“Yeah,” agrees Tall.“I’m drunk enough where I don’t care,” says Lightweight. “I guess,” you say. Lightweight begins to dance, and Average Tolerance joins in with him. You glance at Tall and shrug. “Eh, why not, you know?”You don’t love the music, but you love your friends. That was what this was even about - having a good time with your friends. So what if the Jonas Brothers weren’t here? You couldn’t win everything. You’re enjoying yourself when the rain picks up. The clouds grow darker and giant drops begin falling on you. You sigh, knowing that your shoes are definitely fucked.  Continue     7:20 pm You’re out on the Main Green, running around in the pouring rain when lighting flashes, and moments later, thunder crashes. “FUCK!” yells Lightweight, who has sobered up marginally. “We gotta go!” he yells, in the same tone as John Mulaney impersonating Nurse Batman. “Hang on just a bit!” says Average Tolerance. “We should wait for their call!”“Please file into Salomon!” shouts one of the ESS people. “Spring Weekend has been put on pause!”“Well, this is fun,” says Tall, walking towards the building. “I’m going to try to sneak into Sayles!” whispers Lightweight, sprinting towards the doors, only to find them locked. “Well, fuck!”“Do we have to take shelter?” you question. “We should,” says Tall. “We could also go back to the dorm, if you want to call it a night.”“It’s only 7:20, though…” What do you do? Take shelter in SalomonGo back to the dormsStay on the Green 7:30 pm“Thank god we got out of that rain,” says Lightweight, brushing water off of his coat. “It’s so cold!”“I’m so getting sick,” groans Average Tolerance, squeezing the water out of their hair. “Ugh. And I only just dyed this.”“What are those guys doing?” asks Tall, pointing at the stage in the auditorium. We turned to look at the stage, where a couple guys were plugging in their phones to the speakers. “Come on everyone! Let’s dance!” shouted a very inebriated guy with wet hair. He hopped onto the stage and started going wild to Mr. Brightside. His friends joined him onstage, and soon, the auditorium began to fill up with other cold drunk people. “I kind of want to join them,” says Lightweight. “They look like they’re having a good time!”People began to seriously dance, going up to the balcony as well and hooting. “I can’t believe I have Econ in here,” mutters Average Tolerance.“I can’t believe I have a class about decision making here,” I add. “Seems awfully correlated.”“Correlation is about two quantitative variables,” snaps Lightweight. “You can’t make a damn linear regression model if they’re not quantitative variables and you don’t even have a fucking correlation coefficient because you can’t!”You, Tall, and Average Tolerance all share a look. “Mathematician drunk,” we all say. “Okay, okay,” I say. “Correlation is about two quantitative variables. Seems awfully...associated, then!”Lightweight grunts in appreciation. “I’m going into the party! Join me!”You curse your tiny bladder yet again because you realize that all that pregaming substance needs to exit your body. You think back to the Porta-Potty and shudder, hoping that you never ever have to look at another Porta-Potty ever ever again. You have a greater appreciation for toilets now more than ever, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that you are still in need to bathroom relief. But damn, if you don’t get into that dance party now, you might not ever be able to. You might think back one night and say “Damn, why didn’t I go to into the dance party at Salomon on Spring Weekend? What was I thinking?” and then realize that you were under the influence and therefore could not make great rational decisions. And now you can’t stop thinking about whether or not you’ve sobered up. You’re actually on the greatest ranges of substances right now, you’re what the kids now call “crossed,” and you’re cross at yourself for this. What do you do? Go to the bathroomGo to the dance party in the auditorium 7:35 pm“I have to go to the bathroom again, guys,” you say, hurrying down the stairs. “Go on without me.”“I’ll come with,” says Average Tolerance, following suit. “We’ll have to call you Tiny Bladder from this day on, though.”“It’s not like you’ll remember this, anyways.”“I definitely will,” they say. You enter the bathroom and you hear sniffling and gagging from the stalls. You and Average Tolerance share a concerned glance and run over to the sound. There’s a person hunched over the toilet, the contents of their stomach all over the toilet and floor. “Are you okay?” Average Tolerance asks. The person groggily nods their head. “I’m fine,” they heave. “What should we do?” you ask.“Go get some paper towels,” suggests Average Tolerance. “Let’s at least get them cleaned up.”You grab as many paper towels can fit in your arms and come back to the stall. “How many drinks did you have?” asks Average Tolerance.They cough into the toilet and gasp. “I don’t remember.”“You gotta count your drinks,” they say softly, patting their back. They give the person a paper towel to wipe their face. “How are you feeling?”“I think I’m going to throw up again,” they say, heaving over the bowl and hurling.You wince, never having gotten used to the sight and smell of vomit. “I feel marginally better,” they say, standing up. They wipe down the toilet seat and try to wipe up the vomit on the floor and flush the toilet. “Gross.”“Don’t drink any more,” says Average Tolerance. “But you probably know that. Here, Crossed, come help lift them up.”You and Average Tolerance lift them up, supporting them by their arms. “Let’s get you out of this stall.”You bring them to the sink and they clean themselves off best they can. “Thank you,” they say. “I’m going to go find my friends.”They promptly exit. “Where the hell did their friends go?” you ask. “It’s important to stick together. Buddy system, y’know?”“Yeah,” says Average Tolerance. “Ready to go back?”“Actually, I still need to go to the bathroom. Maybe a different stall, though.”“Bathroom, then dance party?”“Yeah, sounds good.” Go to the dance party 7:35 pm“Coming!” you yell, and Tall and Average Tolerance dash into the crowd with you. The auditorium is a lot more active inside than it looks on the outside. The room is filled with songs from some frat boy’s Discover Weekly playlist on Spotify and balloons that somehow came into fruition. “Damn, I wish we had a beach ball!” shouts someone. “It would be so fun to play volleyball or some shit here!”“Man, the balcony people would have such a...ball!” giggles another. “Should I crowdsurf?” asks the first kid. “Bro, no.” “I’m gonna do it!” The kid gets onstage. “CATCH ME!”He spreads his arms and falls onto open arms below him. “There, now,” says the second kid. “That’s enough of that.”All-Star comes on the playlist and everyone goes even wilder. You and your friends join in on the shitty dancing. Continue 9:30 pmYou’re still dancing in Salomon when you get an email from BCA claiming that Spring Weekend is back on. “HEY GUYS!” shouts the Crowd Surfer. “Spring Weekend is back on!”“Let’s go!” you say, pulling Average Tolerance and Tall. Lightweight appears from the crowd. “WE GOTTA GOOOOO!” shouts Lightweight.  Continue     9:30 pmYou’re sitting in the dorm lounge shoving popcorn in your mouth when you get an email from BCA claiming that Spring Weekend is back on, and that Aminé will be playing. You can already imagine the mass complaints about people not getting to see Yaeji perform. You’ve gotten quite comfortable in the lounge at this point, but you still want to make the most of your Spring Weekend ticket. After all, the big band wasn’t QUITE the Spring Weekend vibe you were going for. You glance at your coat in the corner, hanging and still dripping, the sound of your shoes squelching still in your head. “Are you guys going to go back?” you ask.“Maybe,” says Tall, whose hair is still wet. “Aminé is the whole reason for coming out tonight, and if we’ve made it through this shit, we deserve to see him.”“And Yaeji!” says Lightweight, who has sobered up quite a bit. “Damn, you’re going to miss the movie though!” says Stoner. “We only just picked, too!”“I can’t believe it took you guys three fucking hours to choose a fucking movie,” I snort. “It’s an important decision!” defends Stoner. “I agree,” says Nosy. It is a good movie, you think to yourself. You last watched this when you were nine years old. This movie carries memories for you. This movie was the last movie your grandmother got to watch. This movie…“Are you crying?” asks Nosy.“What? No,” you sniffle, wiping tears from your eyes. “I’m fine. Give me some time to think.” Go back to the GreenStay and watch the movie 9:30 pm “We finally chose a movie!” says Stoner.“I’m excited for this,” you say, happy that you stayed in with your friends. Lightweight, Average Tolerance, and Tall had come back some time ago, each soaked from head to toe. Lightweight had actually been shivering when he entered the room and hogged the blankets in the lounge. You only really missed What Cheer? Brigade, now that Yaeji wasn’t on anyways. All of your phones ping with a Facebook notification from BCA. “Spring Weekend is back on?” says Tall.“I’m so colddddd,” shudders Lightweight. “I don’t wanna go back outside.”“You don’t have to,” says Tall. “But I might. Aminé is the whole reason for coming out tonight, and if we’ve made it through this shit, we deserve to see him.”“I kind of want to go check him out,” says Average Tolerance. “What about you?”“I don’t quite know,” you admit.You were glad to not have been soaked, but you close your eyes and you can imagine feeling the bass and the strobe lights on you. You want that cool concert vibe. You hadn’t had much exposure to concerts when you were in high school, and you feel like you owe it to yourself to go now and catch up on all the growing up you meant to do.“Never mind, I’m gonna go as well!” says Lightweight, whipping off the blankets. “Is Steven going to be there?” Nosy teases.Lightweight makes a face. “Maybe,” he admits. “Listen, we’ve been talking a lot lately.” What do you do? Stay insideGo to the concert 10:00 pm“This is fantastic!” shouts Tall. “This is what I’m talking about!”“It really fucking is!” you add, perched on Tall’s shoulders. “Damn, you can really see everything from up here.”The bass vibrates the whole ground and everyone’s dancing and moving around. There’s a lot of bodies all around you, pushing and shoving. You wonder if the world is always this small when you’re over six feet tall, cursing your genes once more, for both your tiny bladder and your height.You receive a Snapchat video from another one of your friends at the concert. You notice that they’re way in the front, right by the gate, and have a spectacular view. The story of Icarus flashes through your mind for a moment.“Are you good?” you ask Tall.“I’m okay,” says Tall. “It’s a little uncomfortable, but it’s good.”“I can get down if you want,” you offer. “I might try to go deeper into the mosh pit.”“Dude, you sure that’s a good idea?”“Why not?”“Everyone’s intoxicated, it’s dark, there’s a lot of people, and you’re...smaller.”You tap Tall’s forehead. “Some people just aren’t born tall.” “It’s your choice.” Go deeper into the mosh pitStay where you are 10:05 pm“Let me down,” you say. Tall obeys and lets you down. You squeeze in front of a gross couple making out next to you. “Excuse me.”You keep sliding through and break through to a small opening. You can hear the music and kind of see Aminé. You could go deeper and see him better. Go deeper into the mosh pitStay where you are    YOU DIEDYou drank too much. (Please drink responsibly.) TRY AGAIN YOU DIEDYou got trampled in the mosh pit.  TRY AGAIN YOU DIEDYou froze to death because you didn’t take shelter during the storm. Actually, no. They thought you froze to death, but lightning struck you by chance. If that wasn’t enough, a speaker fell on top of you and knocked you unconscious. Everyone was inside at this point, and everyone had assumed you had gone back to the dorm. You would’ve survived, but it kept raining, lightning struck you once again, and then you froze to death.At least you don’t have to finish the project? TRY AGAIN YOU DISAPPEAREDNo one knows where you went. You were trying to find the nearest bathroom, but you got massively lost. Someone spotted you in the Jewelry District, but there’s been no news of you since.  TRY AGAIN YOU SURVIVED (BUT SOCIALLY DIED)You never left your dorm. You finished your project early and handed it in. Your blood is cleaner than your dorm. You crack open a book and begin reading for pleasure. Your roommate stumbles into the room, drunk out of their mind. “Hey, you good?” you ask.They nod. “You stayed in?”“Yeah…” you sheepishly answer. “I’m going to regret this so much tomorrow,” they grumble, slumping into bed and passing out immediately.You check your phone and see all your friends’ stories, filled with both wild partying and calm and pure bonding activities. A pang settles in your heart. Not a single text floats to your phone. Whatever, you think, at least I’m not fucked up like my roommate is, and put your phone away. At least you finished your project, and you’re being productive. You turn off the lights and pull the covers over your face. Was it worth isolating yourself for the night? TRY AGAIN YOU SURVIVEDYou wake up on Saturday afternoon feeling worse than you thought was humanly possible. Your shoes are soaked and covered in mud. You brush your teeth, feeling a little grody. You can still feel the bass pounding in your head, your chest still heaving from the energy of the concert. You definitely had one too many drinks. You tell yourself you’re going to swear off substances for the rest of the semester, but it’s 3 pm and your friends invite you to their pregame for the second day of Spring Weekend. And so it begins...again.PLAY AGAIN YOU SURVIVEDAfter a quality night with your friends, you wake up feeling a little hungover but still decently rested. You get out of bed, feeling good that you were able to stay dry. You recount the events of the night and conclude that it was a good introduction to the weekend. You’re grabbing a quick bite when your friends invite you to their pregame for the second day of Spring Weekend. And so it begins...again. PLAY AGAIN Images via, via, via, via, via, and via.