Cool beans: One freshman's on-campus quest for coffee
I started to drink coffee back in the halcyon days of the seventh grade, when my math teacher encouraged a few of us who were known to fall asleep in class to try some.“With milk and sugar, to start,” I remember him saying, pointing to the huge vats of coffee on the side table in his classroom, left over from the Wednesday morning faculty meeting. The vats sort of entranced those of us who had a little trouble staying awake to learn Algebra, so we tried it.I can only remember that year as the Year of Puberty, when I slept for up to fourteen hours a night and grew a few inches essentially overnight. I never fell asleep in class after that, but, then again, I didn’t stop drinking coffee, either. The warning signs of my friends’ and my bourgeoning addictions were, in retrospect, sort of frightening. (Take for example the time our Latin teacher, having heard the rumor that a bunch of 12- and 13-year-olds were getting hopped up coffee to increase math performance, removed the huge vats from the room before we could get to them. Our response of chasing her down the hallway seemed totally natural at the time, but was, in retrospect, a bit strange.)The secret about coffee that no one wants to admit is that it stops working after, say, two weeks of daily abuse. From then on it’s all about getting the caffeine fix so that you don’t walk around groggy or get a huge headache. Of course, you can just start drinking more of it, but that seems a little dangerous.So, when I got to college, it was a high priority to continue two high school traditions I had established: one, not eating breakfast to get 20 extra minutes of sleep, and two, finding a reliable source of coffee. What follows is a harrowing account of my efforts, in order. 
The creepiest latte art ever.
#1: The Ratty (Sep 2-Sep 2)My one day of getting a “healthy start” before school ended with me spending 20 minutes trying to find the toaster (where the hell I was looking, I don’t know) and leaving in time to wait nervously outside my first class, breakfast-less and full of gritty coffee. #2: Blue State (Sep 3-Sep 20)I had saved a bunch of quarters over the summer to do laundry, but was met with a swipe machine upon my first visit to the laundry room. The question of what to do with $20 in quarters was easily answerable: buy too-expensive (but pretty good-tasting) coffee from a coffee shop 10 minutes from my dorm. Of course, going here means that you can fancy your freshman self a hipster. But that’s a short-lived phase. 
A place to see and be seen.
#3: The Blue Room (Sep 20-early November)This may just be the Ratty coffee, but it has the advantage of not being served in a flourescently-lit prison-like structure. This was the best part of the term—I never had to wake up before 10, I felt a little less weird answering the “Points or Bear Bucks?” question by this time, and I was still in disbelief that college felt easy. Of course, I ran out of points extremely quickly. #4: The Underground (early November-late November)The espresso was fairly cheap, but, as if to mock me, the Underground’s name represented a slight shift in my term. To be more specific, a shift downwards. Leaning against the chess-board tables, trying to figure out how I was going to salvage a decent grade in Roman History, I remember thinking multiple times that things had been much easier in seventh grade. 
The Underworld, more like.
#5: Tea (late November-December 17)Of course I got two or three cups of the subpar Ratty stuff during lunch in the V-Dub after my first class, but I eventually figured out that tea wasn’t too bad of an alternative for those early 10 A.M. wake-ups. Of course, I switched back to coffee as soon as I got back for break. Falling back into high school habits isn’t, it turns out, that hard. Now I’m limping along on a combination of a French Press and Flex, which has me returning to the Blue Room without the fear of running out of points in two weeks. I still won’t cave in and have breakfast, but I did try taking a 9 A.M. this semester, and it’s not that bad.Just kidding, yes it is. Images via, via, and via Paul Michaud '22.
