That's the shit: campus bathroom reviews
Not everyone at Brown takes the same classes. Not everyone at Brown lives in the same place. However, one thing is for sure: everyone at Brown poops (well, I sure hope they do). When it comes to brown matter, us Brunonians can’t leave anything behind. Unfortunately, not every bathroom is created equally. Whether they’re too cramped, too hard to lock, or just don’t flush, some bathrooms are simply worse than others. If you’ve been struggling to find the proper throne to suit your royal flush, don't worry any longer! I’ve gone ahead and scouted bathrooms across campus just so you can know before you go. Campus Center, BasementStall Type: Multi-stall, gendered. Stall Space: Manageable. Enough room to hold your backpack on the door. Accessibility: Need to go up and down stairs to access the bathroom. Toilet Paper: Single-ply. RIP.Cleanliness: Not bad. It doesn’t smell strongly of urine by any means. Overall Rating: 6/10. It functions as a bathroom, and it’s there for you after you eat Kabob and Curry from the Blue Room. Be aware that you may run into some prospies with their parents who don’t really know of any other building. Alumnae Hall, BasementStall Type: Multi-stall.Stall Space: Small. Average-sized stall. Accessibility: No stairs involved if you enter through the basement initially, but otherwise, annoying spiral staircases are involved. Toilet Paper: Single-ply, of course.Cleanliness: Very clean, because no one ever uses it. Overall Rating: 4/10. At first glance, it seems like a functional bathroom. And it is! Plumbing wise, it works, but it’s creepy as hell. I wouldn’t be surprised if I got murdered here while just trying to take a shit during orchestra. Also, the doors are kind of weird to use. If you’re going to take a crap, you deserve to be comfortable without the fear of being murdered. You can claim that this is a safe campus. Yet, in bathrooms like this one, your spidey senses will be screaming at you. SciLi, 13th FloorStall Type: Both???Stall Space: SmallAccessibility: The SciLi does have a super fast elevator. However, to get to the bathroom on the 13th floor, you need to get to the other end of the floor, through the bookshelves. It’s not exactly the visible, either. (Note: The SciLi doesn’t have a generally accessible bathroom on the first floor.)Toilet Paper: Single-ply as a Pringle...fly?Cleanliness: Kind of gross? There was toilet paper on the floor when I scouted out the room, and there’s also a urinal that looks like it hasn’t been flushed. Overall Rating: 2/10. It’s hard to get to, it’s gross, and it gives me “I’ve been in the SciLi for twenty-four hours straight and so have all these other people” vibes. If you’re looking for a place to complete the SciLi challenge, this is definitely not the place to do it. Really, it's not the sexiest place at all. SciLi, 9th FloorStall Type: Single.Stall Space: Plenty of leg room.Accessibility: It has a good elevator, and no bookshelves in the way, but you still need to get to the other side of the floor, past all the desks.Toilet Paper: Read above.Cleanliness: Rather clean. No obvious smell of urine or poop. It looks relatively new compared to...other floors. Overall Rating: 7/10. Would poop there again. The Rock, Fourth FloorStall Type: Multi but single? Gendered. It's got the format of a multi-stall bathroom, but there's only one stall inside.Stall Space: Good. No need to worry about fitting.Accessibility: The Rock does have an elevator to get to the fourth floor. There appears to be decent space in the hall to get from one end of the floor to the other. No bars present inside the stall, though. (Note: I couldn't find the public use bathroom on the first floor anywhere.)Toilet Paper: What do you think?Cleanliness: It's not bad, but it's not somewhere I'd love to stay. I wouldn't put my bag down on this floor. It has the faint smell of urine lingering.Overall Rating: 5/10. It's a decent bathroom. You'll probably make two loops trying to find the bathroom in the first place, and it's not amazing, but hey, it's there. 85 Waterman St, BasementStall Type: Multi-stall, genderedStall Space: Fair. Accessibility: One of the stalls is wheelchair accessible. It’s not too difficult to find, and there are no stairs involved if you enter through the basement. There is also an elevator in the building.Toilet Paper: Don’t wipe too hard or too much. Yes, it’s single-ply. Cleanliness: Relatively clean! No smell of urine or old poop. It’s got a renovated feel to it. Overall Rating: 7/10. It’s relatively accessible, it’s clean, and you definitely won’t get murdered here. 85 Waterman St, First FloorStall Type: Multi-stall, gendered.Stall Space: Fair. Accessibility: One of the stalls is wheelchair accessible. You will have to get up stairs or use a ramp to get up into the building from the street. Alternatively, you can access the first floor via stairs or the elevator if you go into the building through the basement. Toilet Paper: I don’t really know why I left this on here.Cleanliness: Decently clean. No lingering smells. Definitely feels like it’s on the newer side of buildings.Overall Rating: 8/10. I felt safe doing my business here, and I hope you do too. Friedman Hall, First FloorStall Type: Multi-stall, gendered.Stall Space: Average.Accessibility: There is a wheelchair-accessible, single stall, non-gendered bathroom next to the multi-stall, women’s bathroom. The men’s multi-stall bathroom is on the second floor. Toilet Paper: Cry, cry, because it’s single-ply. Cleanliness: Clean! The toilets themselves look fine, and the stalls and their doors work fine. Overall Rating: 8/10. It’s a good toilet. In fact...you could say that it’s the shit. Sayles Hall, BasementStall Type: Multi-stall, gendered.Stall Space: TERRIBLE! If you go to the non-wheelchair accessible stall, your knees literally touch the stall door. If you stand up to wipe, you will ram your face into the door. You thought economy flight chairs were bad for leg room? This one makes those chairs feel like a proper throne. I avoid going to this one. (Note: the basement does have another set of bathrooms, and these are gendered but both are single stall.)Accessibility: The stairs in Sayles are extremely steep. Do not recommend. Toilet Paper: Absolutely fantastic! Wow, I can’t believe Brown invested money into getti—I lied. It’s single-ply. Cleanliness: It’s not unclean, but I sometimes get kitschy vibes from this bathroom. Overall Rating: 1/10. Overall an anxiety-inducing, door-in-face experience. Sayles Hall, First FloorStall Type: Single stall.Stall Space: Good! You can actually stretch your legs. It’s actually a proper, decently-sized stall. Accessibility: It’s a little hidden away next to the staircase, but it seems okay to get into. The stall is really big, but there was no bar on the side to aid with seating. Toilet Paper: We do go to a fantastic institution. I get it. I don’t mean to bitch about the toilet paper. I swear I’m not, but our buttholes do so much for us that it seems like an injustice to shock them with harsh, brutal single-ply paper. Of course, we could buy our own toilet paper, but that...that’s way too adult. I guess single-ply is the way it'll be for now.Cleanliness: Average. I wouldn’t sit on the floor or anything, though. Overall Rating: 6/10. Would poop again. Would rather poop here than in the multi-stall, gendered bathroom on the floor below. There you have it. Now go off and have the most satisfying poop of your college life in your favorite bathroom. Images via, and via.
