Brown’s Most Eligible Bachelors (Colonial Edition)
Ever wonder whose powdered wig would’ve caught your eye if you’d attended Brown in Colonial America? Well wonder no more; here is a list of Colonial-Era Brown’s most sought after and eligible bachelors.
Seriously - these were guys who attended Brown back when it was still “College in the English Colony of Rhode Island.” They’re all just waiting for you to submit your BBA post about them to the town crier.
1. Theodore Foster
Theodore is a Classical Studies concentrator who plans on attending Law School (*fingers crossed*). He is an adamant Federalist and son of Massachusetts Supreme Court Justice Jedediah Foster, so you know he’ll be able to provide you anything and everything you need in life, from a state of the art butter churn to a four post canopy bed. Daddy’s money goes a long way, so don’t worry about the career prospects of a Classical Studies concentration.
2. Solomon Drowne
Solomon is Theodore’s roommate, and he’s quite a catch. He actually witnessed the Gaspee Affair last year, aka the first violent uprising against the #BritishCrown, so I guess you could say he’s got an eye for rebellion. He was just accepted to medical school at both Dartmouth College and the University of Pennsylvania, but he can’t decide whether to black out or sell out.
3. James Mitchell Varnum
James is actually a transfer from Harvard (I knowwwww, right?) Basically a genius, James is set to graduate at just 20 years old, having skipped 2 years of training in primary school due to his brilliance. Honestly, with a hairline like that, why would you pass up an opportunity to take this guy off the market? Don’t you want to wake up next to that perfectly tied cravat every day?
4. Samuel Ward, Jr.
Samuel is a Scorpio who is not only graduating with high honors, but also secured the bag as a founding trustee of the university. He’s recently been in talks to attend a little sumthin sumthin called The Continental Congress, don’t know if you’ve heard of it, pretty exclusive, tickets sold out quickly but you might be able to find some scalped ones……Anyway, his family has a home in Newport, so rest assured that you’ll spend you summers on sailboats surrounded by salmon shorts and Vineyard Vines polos paired with only the finest of boat shoes. Sometimes, he ties a sweater around his waist when he’s feeling frisky.