How to Give the Perfect Brown University Tour

We all have friends come to visit us on campus from time to time. And, whenever said friends are still in the foreign world of high school, we know that what we show them of Brown can influence their decision to apply, or eventually attend. That said, here is Blog's helpful guide for sharing the best Brown experience.

1. Spend a significant amount of time in the Blue Room on a weekday

The Blue Room is lively, diverse, smells like muffins, and has a disproportionately small number of people crying about upcoming midterms. Thus, this is an incredible place to hang out! In fact, with enough small talk, you can actually just keep your touree inside the Blue Room all day--letting them think that this small, beautiful portion of campus is really what everything is like.

2. Take them just outside of Barus and Holley

Similar to its inhabiting students, Barus and Holley is beautifully chic on the outside but a complex maze of mediocre coffee and depression on the inside. A one-minute visit to the windows (making sure to point out the edges of the windows, so that your friend doesn't accidentally look inside) is the best way to go about presenting Brown's most recent deca-million dollar investment.

3. Go to a small class with an engaging professor

Since Brown's undergraduate teaching rating is so high, you can't disappoint your friend by showing them a class with a bad teacher. Thus, if possible, try to avoid the following departments: math, computer science, math, physics, math, or any large introductory class in the physical sciences. The four years of undergrad, five years of grad school, four years of postdoc, and fifteen years of non-tenure track teaching positions before getting to an actual job in academia are enough to dissuade the poor friend as is—no reason to get them started early. There are plenty of incredible classes at Brown, such as this weekend's bartending course, so just take your friend to one of those instead.

4. Inundate them with almost-relevant facts

There is no better way to judge a school than the number of a cappella groups per capita on that college's campus. In fact, in that regard, Brown is #1. This sort of totally-not-cherry-picked data is of the utmost importance to share with your friend, because they trust you more to show them the reality of campus than a tour guide who is paid to portray Brown well. Thus, the best course of action is obviously to blatantly betray their trust and just copy the pre-programmed Brown guides' spiel. Did you know we have three textbooks whose binding is made of human skin? Plus, the world's largest collection of tin toy soldiers will always keep you safe.

5. Introduce them to people

According a recent study, Brown really does have some of the nicest and funniest people out of all top college campuses. Thus, in all seriousness, just take them to a good 'ole lunch at the Ratty and have a fun conversation with your Brown friends. There's a reason Brown gets 32,000 applications a year (it's not actually the a cappella groups), and if you show enough of our vibrant and diverse university, there's no doubt anyone can find something they love.Images via, via, via, via, via, and via.