The Pembroke Seal Curse You Receive Based on Your Zodiac Sign

It's bad enough that we live in a cruel world where the timing of our parents' copulation roughly determines everything from our personality to the compatibility of all of our relationships. But the meddling reach of far stars and constellations doesn't end there, because your horoscope also decides what fate will befall you if you were to forsake the gods with the ultimate transgression and step on the Pembroke Seal. Aquarius, you are smart, progressive, and independent, but you are temperamental and run from emotional expression. This explains why, if you were to step on the Pembroke Seal, your punishment would be having to sit next to an old hook-up in one of your classes for a semester.Pisces, while you are compassionate and artistic, you are too fearful and too quick to trust others. For these flaws, your teachers will never have lecture capture or allow the use of laptops in class.Aries, you are courageous and determined, but also are impatient and impulsive. The punishment that best suits you is having to enter your username and password every time you connect to Brown wifi, log into canvas, and try to use every online service from Brown, without your computer browser ever remembering who you are. You will moan in agony, wishing you just stepped foot on a different staircase, as you are forced to send a push or text codes to your cell phone for every log in just to check your grades.Taurus, you enjoy music, gardening, and romance, but are disgruntled by sudden changes or complications. Therefore, your curse is that, every time you round a corner on Thayer, you will uncontrollably scream, “CAUTION! BUS IS TURNING!” at the top of your lungs.Gemini, you are gentle and affectionate, but suffer from indecisiveness and nervousness. The curse which befalls you upon stepping on the Sacred Seal is to be the only student getting cold called by your professors in each class. And because you had to really make the decision to step on that seal, the professors won’t be giving you softball or check if you were paying attention questions, we’re talking quantum-physics-special-relativity-level cold calling.Cancer, you are tenacious and highly imaginative, but dislike strangers and any details of your personal life being revealed. If you step on the seal, you will be put outside your comfort zone and forced to participate in the Naked Donut Run every finals season until you graduate or turn to dirt.Leo, while you are creative and tenacious, you can’t stand being ignored or facing difficult reality. Your curse is to never get a match back on Datamatch, any extension you ask for from all your professors, or any position you apply for on Brown Connect or Handshake. Oh, and when you swipe into the Ratty you will be the only student that Gail does not say hi back to, just because.Virgo, you may be loyal and precisely analytical, but unfortunately you are shy and worrisome. This explains why your curse is to deal with unsolicited exercise advice every time you try to sweat off your sins at the Nelson. Think by just running on the treadmill or biking you can avoid the jocks who constantly critique your lifting form? Think again, you're cursed, and they’ll inform you how to run properly or pedal at the right rpm for a good burn.Libra, you are cooperative and diplomatic, and cannot stand injustice and violence. Because these are symbols of a great personality, your curse is very minor; you will just end up getting an irremovable tattoo of Blueno on your face the next time you get drunk.Scorpio, you are as resourceful and brave as you are distrusting and jealous, therefore you will be forced to deal with the parties you attend only having Taylor Swift music playing. No, not the good T-swift, that look what you made me do song and her work from when she was a country artist.Sagittarius, you are enthralled by freedom and travel, but can’t stand being constrained by anything. To both constrain you and feed your love for travel, your curse is to live in Perkins every semester for the rest of your miserable existence at Brown.Capricorn, you love music and tradition, but are an unforgiving know-it-all. That is why you will be cursed with having to miss every Spring Weekend to curate art shows at RISD.Image via