Winter break conversations
Winter break. A most deserving break. Highly looked forward to, these five weeks offered students a chance to regain some portion of their sanity, especially after three-hour-long finals that may or may not have exhausted our last two brain cells.
But, for many, winter break brought a challenge that is much more intimidating than finals, a challenge that not even our two brain cells could navigate at times. Especially for us freshmen who were returning home for the first time since orientation ten years ago, it’s become a whole other world that is foreign to us. We weren’t just bombarded with affection; we were also wrung out like a wet cloth by family members and family friends who were more than eager to make conversation repetitive.
Here is how most of my conversations went over break.
1. “hOw iS cOLLegE?”
Unsurprisingly, this was the question that kicked off every. Single. Conversation. I must’ve answered this at least one hundred different ways over those five weeks, ranging from just a simple “Good!” to a more depressing “Well...it’s hard, but I’m still alive...I think...”, followed by a depressed laugh as flashbacks of exams flickered through my mind.
This also determined how I would live through break. My identity was now “new college girl”, and the first thing people would think when they saw me was: “Must. Ask. About. School.”
It was endearing that people cared about my college experience, but over time, saying “I stayed in the library” kind of lost its charm. The phrase also led me to see how sad it sounded when I talked about the SciLi like a second home.
2. The Dating Question
The one that is most expected. “So, have you found someone special?”. The obligatory wink and chuckle always followed this question.
Panic ensues. Whether you are as single as a chopstick that has been dropped on the ground and formally neglected or in a relationship that you know your Asian parents would freak out about, this question makes the world tremble in anxiety and self-consciousness.
There was an expectation that *something* significant would happen during first semester and that that *something* would be related to dating. I would always return their chuckle and say nothing else. The awkward silence that followed was mostly enough to prevent further conversation.
3. The Weight Question
“Have you gained weight?”
Freshman 15, for a lot of us, has already hit. Comparison photos with what we used to be like kind of hurts - so much life, so much vitality gone. So much sharpness and cheek definition covered by too many chicken fingers at the V-Dub.
Especially for Asians who returned home for the first time, relatives were more than willing to pinch your butt and make inappropriate comments about how the food at dining halls must be good. No, Auntie, I just eat a lot, okay?
I knew exactly what my mom was thinking when she narrowed her eyes and looked me up and down: “You’re not the same person I sent to college.” I’m just being economical, Mom. Gotta eat that $8.50 worth at the Ratty.
4. The Looking Different Question
“Wow, you look different!”
Not quite the same as the weight question, but the same knife-to-heart effect. This was mostly from people who weren’t as close as family, but were still close enough to make comments on my appearance.
They did come from a valid place, though. I’ve seen pictures of pre-college me and post-first-semester me. It looks like I went through some shit. Eyebags became a permanent facial feature over just the first semester. My bone structure even seemed more brittle. I can’t wait to graduate as an eighty-year-old!
Admittedly, it was nice to return to Brown, where being chunky and falling apart are the norms. I’m finally back to my own species!
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