How to Navigate Awkward Conversations at Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving can be an especially difficult holiday. Sure, it’s fun to eat stuffing and commemorate a positive, shining moment in our nation’s great history of peaceful collaboration (haha wait actually…). However, the real crux of this Thursday is what comes along with it: family.
It seems that every celebrating family in America has designated this particular day to really get into the deep stuff of old tensions, long-running familial controversies, legal disputes, and political and/or religious differences. If you are a bit apprehensive about Thursday’s table topics and need some assistance in this difficult time, look no further! Here are tips for navigating the dreadful/delicious time that is Thanksgiving.
When your weird and overly confrontational cousin walks in the door and immediately wants to launch into politics, try to diffuse the situation by telling them to save their points for the post dinner debate between the two of you that will be broadcast on CNN. Finally, the political showdown to end all showdowns. The goal will be to end partisanship in America as we know it, so good luck!
When your prying aunt asks slyly, “So, are you seeing anyone these days? Any cute boys at school?,” fully pretend not to hear her. Maybe drop whatever you are holding (ideally the Thanksgiving turkey) so as to cause a distraction. If she brings it up again (she will), tell her you’re simply too dedicated to the consulting recruitment process to find time for love. If she asks follow up questions, spew some nonsense about Bain and buzzwords like corporate social responsibility and hopefully she’ll be too bored to continue.
If the food is set and it comes to the point that someone must give some sort of declaration of thankfulness or a prayer of some sort, don’t sweat it, though this one will require some foresight and preparation. Before dinner, you must break an alliance. Threaten to tell your parents that your sibling has been throwing parties every year when Parents’ Weekend rolls around. Though it will hurt to betray your ally in this way (and nobody likes a snitch), Thanksgiving is really every man for himself. Your brother will be forced to deliver the pensive and performative moment of reflection, for which you are truly grateful.
It’s almost inevitable that your uncle will choose Thanksgiving dinner as the optimal time to rehash a dispute with your father, most likely around a disputed will or a long held secret of some kind. No worries, all you have to do is get up from the table and rush upstairs. Claim you just remembered a really important assignment you have to turn in! In fact, this may be the one time you’re grateful for academics. Blame your absence on Brown’s rigor and nobody will know that you’re actually watching true crime YouTube videos as you hide in the bathroom!
Good luck this Thanksgiving. Enjoy the turkey and the true gift that is family.
Image via.