My week in the Absolute Quiet Room (and the strange sitting positions I discovered along the way)

Having spent my Spring Break camping, sitting in the sun, and listening to an excessive amount of Khraungbin, I returned to campus on Sunday night relaxed and even a little excited to get back to school. The feeling soon evaporated when I picked up Bleak House, the 1.4 pound, 355,936-word-long book I had to read by this Thursday.Of course there are worse things to do than spending lots of time reading Charles Dickens, and of course I'm being dramatic. The book is actually pretty good. The characters are actually pretty funny. Then again, it's not exactly a fast or exciting read. But Bleak House has made me an expert in one thing, and it's not 1830s England — it's the comfy chairs in the back of the Absolute Quiet Room.It's possible that I spent more time in the Absolute Quiet Room than anyone else this last week, and I'm fairly confident that I tried just about every sitting position that exists. (I've also learned some other stuff, such as the fact that coughing in there is one of the most stressful things you can do at Brown.)So, while chipping away at Dickens last night, fully aware of my unique position as an Absolute Quiet Room regular, I took note of my sitting positions. Here they are:#1: The "I Just Got Here and I'm Feeling Good"This one lasts about 20 minutes. You feel very proper, but almost too proper, sort of like Esther Summerson while in the company of John Jarndyce. (Ha ha! Bleak House jokes!)  #2: The "Yeah, I Read Books Like This All The Time"You're feeling casual. You're feeling relaxed. You're feeling like this book is maybe even helping your public appearance.  #3: The "Oh, There's a Footstool!"An hour into your time at the AQR, you discover the plush footstool sitting right in front of your chair. You almost say something out loud but fortunately catch yourself before you incur the wrath of everyone around you.  #4: The "How Did This Happen?"You never intended to find yourself looking like this, but two hours in, you've got other concerns. Is Richard ill? Does Ada know what she's getting herself into??  #5: The "Did Someone Just Spontaneously Combust in This Book?"Did somebody just spontaneously combust 403 pages into your book? (Spoiler alert: if you're reading Bleak House, the answer is yes.) If this is the case, you may find yourself in this position.  #6: The "I've Been Here Six Hours, It's Time to Leave"  This is where you pack up your things just seconds before people start asking what's wrong with you. In the end, all the sitting may have been worth it. It's Wednesday afternoon, and I'm currently on page 725 of 770.I think I need to see someone about my back, though. Images via Paul Michaud '22. (The author would like to apologize for the stick figures, which, despite heavy revision, still imply disturbing things about the proportions of the human body. You didn't come here for the art, though. That was simply a bonus.)