Ways to Work Out Without the Nelson
There is a portion of the student population that viscerally hates the Nelson Fitness Center, and for fair reasons. Some hate that it’s so far, others hate the gender discrepancy between machines. Now that the Bear’s Lair has been woefully DESTROYED, there is no exercise haven. Here’s how I plan on staying fit without seeing one gym-gains-swole-junkie-whatever in the Nelson, with points for each activity:1. Go to dance workshops/auditions. These are essentially free workout classes! I once went to an Impulse audition for fun, felt very welcome despite my lack of coordination, and woke up the next day unable to walk. The pole dancing team also does workshops/open practices! (+10 points!!)2. Transfer your groceries into your residence in one trip. I would sooner step into Colosseum as a senior than take a second trip. (+2 points for each bag)
3. Climb every statue on campus. Bonus points if you do a shot on each one. (+1 point per statue)4. After searching "fitness", "exercise", "recreation" on OrgSync these are some of the open clubs: Parkour Club, Aikido Club, Outing Club, Aerial Arts. (+10 points)5. Do 10 pushups for every manbun you see on campus. The exercise potential is self-explanatory for this one. (+3 points)6. Go dancing at Ego. Seriously! If you’re looking for a fun night out where you feel guiltless about the 8 shots of Burnett's peach vodka you just downed, put on your glitter beard and head over to Ego. It is much better than the Colosseum in terms of Sleazeball-2-Student ratio. Dance and don’t go home until you’re as sweaty as Britney in Slave 4 U. (+20 points)
7. Go to the Keeney gym. With Bear’s Lair and Mochamp gyms gone, it’s the last auxiliary gym standing. Upperclassmen can go to reminisce about how the 2nd floor of Everett always seemed to smell like weed. (+8 points)8. Make off-campus friends and just walk to their houses all the time. Bonus points for Amy street. (+2 points)9. Miss the last evening Brown shuttle at the top of Thayer and race it to the front of the Scili. (+3 points IF you win)10. Get enough parking tickets that you never take your car anywhere, ever again. Goddamn. (-$30 every time)
Have fun getting gains (?) while avoiding the Nelson! Nobody/no bear needs that stressful environment.
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