Climate Scientists Discover Spring in Providence Actually a Greek Myth
“Spring in Providence”: an oft talked about yet infrequently seen natural phenomenon has just been confirmed by a group of Brown University climate scientists to be an ancient Greek myth. Dating back to the 8th century BC, the first references to the idea that it would stop being so damn cold in the Providence area appeared in Homer’s The Odyssey which says, “There is a time for many words, and there is also a time for sleep.” Many used to think this referred to the four seasons, but it has since been shown to be an overestimation by 3.Asked whether they could remember Providence's last Spring, Brown University students responded with comments like “no, I’m not sure I’ve ever really seen one”, “all I can remember is the snow”, as well as “yeah the last one was just a year ago, are you crazy?”The report by climate scientists cited a plethora of evidence to support their conclusion that Spring is just something that people think exists. First, scientists carefully examined the high levels of Cannabis in the atmosphere near the Brown University campus. Particles of light (also known as photons) have been known to have a behavior termed Jeff-Sessionsing in which they display a deep aversion to the so-called 'devil’s lettuce'. Since these photons remove the blanket of winter from our land, their avoidance of the Providence area is leaving us in an everlasting frost.The climatologists' other significant insight came after noticing today's remarkably tense political climate. Although a layman could see the linguistic connected between the natural and political climate (they both use the word climate), the researchers dug deeper. The Cold War is a major example of how political tension is tied to continuing winter. For the unaware, The Cold War was a period in US-Russian relations in which not much could be agreed upon, thereby causing the Earth’s average temperature to drop significantly, giving the conflict its name.Overall, the scientists agreed that their research was the end-all be-all and “no further research needs to be done on the issue.” Update: More recent findings by the scientists demonstrate that summer in Providence this year will, in fact, be falling on a Thursday. Image via.