What it's like to study during Halloweek
Halloween. A holiday so hyped that Brown holds an organ recital in its honor. A day so holy that parties start from Monday and last through Saturday. However, for those of us who have professors who don’t give a shit about the holiday spirit, our weeks look starkly different.
As for me, my first Halloween at Brown was spent studying for a midterm that happened the next day. And, to be honest, I found it quite fitting. Could anything be spookier than a midterm the day after Halloween?
The entire week, I watched and listened gloomily as my friends made plans for Halloween, buying tickets for SV, coordinating costumes, and chattering about how hyped they were for this week. People kept asking me what I was going to be for Halloween, and all I could reply with was, “A hardworking student.” The responses I received were kind of like those I would get if I got divorced: a sympathetic nod, a pat on the shoulder, a “there’ll be better days." If they were feeling particularly sympathetic, I’d get a hug and a drop-by visit to make sure I was holding up. That was something that made me feel slightly better: before Halloween night, people would wish me good luck, and afterwards, people would ask me how my midterm went. It elevated the entire tragic feeling of my situation.
When the day of Halloween rolled around, I totally forgot that it was Halloween. You know you’re fucked for holiday spirit when you walk into math class on Halloween and someone’s wearing a dinosaur on top of their head. And you think to yourself, “What the fuck is up with that hat?” It wasn’t until three hours later that it hit me – it was a costume. Halloween is completely diminished by the existence of a midterm.
The day was rainy and hot, something that I, a Californian, despised, and as the weather was gloomy, so were my spirits. My isolation from the rest of the world began that night: as my friends got ready for their parties and pre-games, I withdrew and confined myself – initially in my room, then in the Rock as I hunkered down on my midterm material. It was quite a contrast to all of my friends who went out: I dressed in sweats and a hoodie, my hair piled on top as a depressed, messy bun, my umbrella carrying away in the wind, while they were Ubering to the club in sexy costumes and high spirits.
I set up my station in the absolute quiet section of the Rock around 10 PM. And, I found myself thinking non-stop about what everyone else was doing at the exact moment at which I was reviewing lecture #13. It also didn’t help that my phone was on. Receiving Snapchats all night from half-drunk partiers at the club gave me serious FOMO. It wasn’t just that I wasn’t there, it was more the fact that I was STUDYING. I could be cozied up, watching Netflix in my bed while they were clubbing, and I wouldn’t have had FOMO. I didn’t realize how hard FOMO could hit when you’re studying for midterms when everyone else is out getting fucked up while you get fucked by an exam.
But then, I lifted up my head. I focused on my surroundings instead (which, to be fair, wasn’t much – barely anyone was at the Rock that night). Then I realized I was staring at the few people who were there and typing away furiously on their computers. Slowly, I recognized something that we all had in common: we were all Asian. I almost laughed and cried right then and there. Halloween really is such an Western holiday to celebrate. Not gonna lie, I found some solace in that; my fellow demographic was sticking it through with me. From then on, I concentrated on studying and ended up being pretty productive. Fuck you, FOMO!
The entire night was really one of self-growth. A cathartic journey, one might say. Many emotions were experienced, and I ended the night satisfied with my elevated maturity.
But, despite my shitty mood that night, the good thing about Halloween is that it’s really Halloweek. So, guess who went hard on November 1st instead? Elevated maturity can always be wait for later, folks.
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