Drunk-Sober-High: Thayer Street Food Crawl
This week, your favorite delinquents hit the town scouring Thayer to find the best late night food option. While we certainly did not hit every late night establishment on the street, we did make it to four legendary destinations: Bajas (the original one), Mike’s Calzones, East Side Pockets, and The Crepe Place. We had many a thought along the way. Sober was waiting at the corner of Thayer and Waterman at 8pm, ready to go. High was late. Drunk was later.
Stop 1: Bajas (the original one)
High: Guys, look at these chandeliers. They are so fancy. What an ambience.
Sober: I’m going to take charge of ordering here.
Sober walks up to the counter and waits in line. She looks nervous.
Drunk: Do we trust her?
High: Noooo
Drunk: She’s remaining calm in the face of adversity.
High: But her mouth is ajar and her eyes are darting back and forth. There are too many decisions to make up there.
Drunk: I definitely could not be ordering this right now.
Sober returns with a quesadilla.
Drunk: Woah. Well done sober.
High: We didn’t trust you.
Sober: Thank you. Here we’ve got a cheese and bean quesadilla with salsa, sour cream, and guac.
High: *Guttural noises*
Drunk: There’s so much protein in this. This is health.
Sober: As a vegetarian I appreciate this protein.
High puts hot sauce on. Hiccups ensue.
Sober: Eat some sour cream!
Sour cream does not help. Hiccups continue.
High: Let’s leave here.
Stop 2: Urban Outfitters
Sober: Can we take a quick pit-stop here?
Drunk: Yasssss
High: The backpacks. There’s too many backpacks guys. Don’t you see them all?
Sober: I love urban Guys.
High: This is too much right now. We must go.
Sober: But the sale rack!!!!
Drunk: It’s High’s world, Sober. We’re just living in it. To Mike’s we go.
Stop 3: Mike’s Calzone’s
Sober: I’ve never been to Mike’s before guys but I’ve heard rave reviews.
Drunk: I’ll order this one guys.
Drunk approaches counter. Lack of confidence. She studies the menu closely but won’t reveal what she’s ordered.
Sober: I hope she’s getting the meltdown.*
Drunk: Guys. Guys. Don’t you kinda feel like we’re not on college hill anymore? I feel like we’re in the Bronx or Queens at a local pizza joint.
High: Haaaaa the menu has videos!
Drunk and Sober do observe that the menu does, in fact, have videos of the food.
Sober: You see that shawarma over there?
Sober points to a swirling, dripping piece of shawarma meat.
Sober: Do you think it’s just one animal, or like a bunch of animals stuck together?
High: Woah.
Drunk: Woooooah.
High: Where the f*ck is my calzone.
Calzone arrives. It is indeed the meltdown.
Sober: This was worth the wait. Wow. It is not healthy and has no protein but I would eat again. Beware though.
Drunk: There is so. much. cheese. Look at that ooooooze baby.
High: *Guttural noises*
The lactose begins to hit and the cheese sweats ensue.
Sober: This was a mistake guys. The cheese. It’s damaged us.
Drunk: I can’t do another stop.
High: It’s High’s world guys. We’re going to East Side Pockets.
Stop 4: East Side Pockets
High gets in line to order. The experience is very overwhelming.
Drunk: High, get a falafel sandwich!
High: (mumbling) It’s High’s world. They can’t control me.
Sober: FALAFEL SANDWICH, HIGH.
High: (mumbling) Don’t listen to them.
High returns with a mediterranean platter.
Sober: I thought I was full until this baby came along.
Drunk: This falafel. It’s so moist. And healthy. This is health.
High: We persevered. I knew we could do it.
Sober: This makes the ivy room taste like booty.**
Drunk: It’s crepe-o-clock, b*tches.
High: I need a gumball guys.
High buys a very stale, very disappointing gumball.
Stop 5: The Crepe Place
Drunk: Guys, I got this one.
High: I feel like cheese. I’m so full. I can’t do this.
Drunk orders a S’mores crepe and waits at the counter. Once the crepe comes out, hot off the press, she attempts to put a sprinkle of powdered sugar on top. The cap falls off and the crepe is drowned in sugar. Drunk is an embarrassment to all.
Sober: Who’s that loooser with the powdered sugar? We don’t know her.
Drunk: Guys I swear it’s not ruined.
High: Idk man, I think it kind of is ruined…
High proceeds to eat most of the crepe and lick the powdered sugar off of the table.
Drunk: I would’ve enjoyed this more if we hadn’t done Mike’s.
Overall Ranking:
- Mike’s Calzone’s: From the moment we stepped foot into this beautiful establishment, we were transported to a land far, far away in the depths of an outer-NYC-borough. It felt like we were being delivered a calzone using a recipe from someone’s Italian grandpa who immigrated in the 1930s. The bubbly, cheezy, oozy doughy calzone took a while to come out of the oven, but my god it was worth it. Warning: do not attempt if you are lactose-intolerant. Be wary of attempting alone.
- Bajas: A bajas quesadilla is a wonderful thing: it’s fresh, it’s delectable, it’s healthy (?), and most importantly, it’s proteinaceous. Bajas did not disappoint. We came, we saw, and we conquered. Ambience was also an 11/10; the antique lamps truly added to the magic of it all. The consistency of the food and the blaring music will never disappoint.
- East Side Pockets: Had our stomachs not been worn out by the rigor of Mike’s, perhaps we would’ve enjoyed this destination more. That being said, the menu is quite overwhelming and the process of ordering requires some on-the-go decision making that is not conducive to ***substances.*** Overall, a healthy, fresh, and sexy choice for late night dining. Disappointing gumballs.
- The Crepe Place: It was the last stop on the tour, so we were tired and our stomachs ached. Some thought the smores crepe was too sweet (which ***may*** have been a product of our own mistakes). It was by no means a disappointment, but it would have to be enjoyed on its own to truly be appreciated.
Feel free to check out our rankings below. We gave up after Mike's. You may also notice that High's review of Mike's consisted solely of a sweep of cheese grease. Mmmm.
*A seductive combination of American, Provolone, Cheddar, and Ricotta. Mhmmmmm….
**Blog does not endorse or promote offensive language regarding Brown’s fabulous dining establishments