How to scheme your celebrity crush at Spring Weekend
Spring Weekend is, as we all know, almost here. The energy about campus is palpable; everywhere I turn, I hear different variations of the same conversations about outfit options (“Should I wear these bike shorts or these bike shorts?”), weather predictions, and darty plans. However, my attention is focused somewhere else entirely. When it comes to the weekend ahead, I have a singular goal: to get noticed by the one and only Daniel Caesar.You see, Daniel and I have a bit of a history. Almost a year ago (I suppose that makes it nearly our anniversary?), I Instagram DM’d Daniel Caesar while anxiously awaiting his performance at the Boston Calling music festival. Intimidated by his fame and talent, I opted for a polite approach when it came to my messaging (see below).
Though I didn’t receive a response (...I’m sure he just never saw it), I am determined to shoot my shot a second time, now that Spring Weekend and BCA have ever so kindly brought us together again. And just in case you're also trying to catch the eye of a performer this weekend (just not Daniel, please!), I've outlined the strategies I plan to utilize so you can take advantage of them, too.First, I plan to wear an outfit that catches some attention, and I don’t necessarily mean in a hot way. I’m taking quite the practical route here, and am thinking of wearing a getup entirely comprised of neon green pieces so I'm easier to spot in the masses. (Perhaps I should look into construction uniforms.) Currently, I’m shopping around online to see if some sort of light-up, glow in the dark hat is an attainable option. That way, I can keep it cutting edge and fresh while still being very visible in the dark.Next, I will most definitely be staring directly into Daniel Caesar’s eyes for the entirety of his performance. While you might hear this and think, sure, you and everyone else!, I am quite confident that my intense, unyielding, unblinking eye contact may elevate me above the rest of admiring onlookers. As I recently learned in my Religious Studies class, Steve Jobs used unbroken eye contact to convince people to bend to his will, and if it worked for Jobs and his (successful) scheme of achieving technological world domination, I’m sure it’ll work for me, too.Finally, (and this one may be obvious), I'll be scheming my way to the front of the crowd. I'll arrive on the Main Green several hours before Daniel’s set and stake out a spot among other eager attendees. And I'll say now that I'm willing to assert myself if things get a little dicey — I'll throw some elbows if I must. The possibility of some sort of physical altercation is nothing compared to the beautiful and immediate ~connection~ I’m sure to form with Daniel as I stare up at him adoringly from the front row.Best of luck to everyone who's trying to scheme their celebrity crush this weekend! I hope you all have a great time and sing your heart out — just please back off of Daniel. Images via Claire Lonergan '21 and via.