The Ten Commandments of Sexiling
We've all been there before. Whether you're best friends with your roommate or prefer to think of them as a mere ~aquaintance,~ chances are, you've been sexiled at least one point in your time at Brown—or you've been the sexiler yourself. I was recently delighted to be woken up at 2 a.m. by my dear, beloved roommate only to be banished to my friend's floor (though I admit I deserved it, as I have partaken in the egregious act of sexiling her myself).For those of you who live in a single, go you! Enjoy your sexcapades freely and revel in the glory of your privilege. But for the REST of us, we have to accept the fact that when it comes to this pressing social issue, no one really knows what's allowed and what isn't. Perhaps you took it upon yourself to lay down some ground rules with your roommate at the beginning of the semester. If so, congratulations. You're killing the game! But for those of us who haven't discussed specific rules with our roommates, many confusing questions can arise. What's the best way to ask them if I can have the room? Will they hate me if I do it too many times? How many is too many times? Don't they understand my needs?!?! 
Fear not. I am here to allay your fears, young horndog. Here is a list of the official Ten Commandments one should follow to respectfully sexile:(Disclaimer: These are not directed at my roommate. These are a collection of sentiments expressed by the people.) 1. Thou shalt give warningPlease, let's avoid the accidental walk-in that results in someone seeing body parts that they did not need to see.
2. Thou shalt not sexile two nights in a rowRiddle me this—Does bae have a bed as well? It may be respectful to *gasp* use your partner's bed once in a blue moon and give your poor roomie a break! Just a penny for your thoughts. 3. Thou shalt not stray unto the bed of thy roommateMust I explain? 4. Thou shalt allow sexiling to take placeUnless you have a good reason, if your roommate asks to sexile you, let them sexile you. It's not that hard to go somewhere else for a bit while your roommate gets down and diggy with their boo. Don't be a butthead. Help a homie out. 5. Thou shalt only sexile for sexual happeningsLet's agree to only use the sacred power of sexiling when necessary. If you want to watch a movie and cuddle with potential bae, that's lit! But telling your roommate that you need to sexile them signals them to stay far, far away. I don't care about walking in on two cuddling hooligans watching a rom-com. I care about seeing a bare asscheek. 6. Thou shalt invite thy roommate back into the room when thou is clothed to a full extentIt's easy to avoid the awkward "DON'T COME IN YET!!!" that will inevitably escape from your lips if you're butt-naked and you hear your roommate knocking on your door. Just text them when you're ready. 7. Thou shalt not abuse the power of the sexileIt's not fair to sexile your roommate ALL the time. Unless they have explicitly stated otherwise, don't expect them to be cool with it. Being sexiled all the time sucks. 8. Thou shalt remove the evidence of the deeds from the room Please. 9. Thou need not recount the deed in full to thy roommateHopefully you and your roommate are pals. Maybe you share everything with one another. But unless you have the type of relationship where you know they'd feel comfortable hearing about stuff like this, it isn't necessary to give a rundown of the happenings that took place. We're not in middle school, and they can fill in the gaps. 10. Thou shalt lock the doorMaybe your poor friend was walking down the hall and decided to barge in and ask for a pencil. Spare their poor soul—just lock your door! This concludes the Ten Commandments of Sexiling. Next time you sexile or get sexiled, keep them in mind—or come up with your own*! Now go get frisky. *that your roommate has also signed off on Images via, via, and via.