Birthdays on a budget

November, for whatever reason, is a month chock full of birthdays (Scorpios can I get a hell yeah), including mine. I’ve just turned 19, and I’m not trying to sound like someone who has an existential crisis every birthday, but 19 is a weird fucking age. There’s no cool milestone, nothing new to do that will really drive home the fact that you’re one year older. It’s pretty much 18 pt.2 or the sequel to 20. How is one supposed to celebrate their 19th birthday? Wait, let me rephrase. How is one supposed to celebrate their 19th birthday without spending money or getting drunk on something that a freshman chem concentrator brews in their dorm room? Faced with this dilemma, I decided to brainstorm ways to avoid basic birthdays. In advance: you’re welcome!  1: Don’t do any homework. You’ll suffer tomorrow but that is a problem for Tomorrow You. Tomorrow You is going to HATE Now You. For example, the Me writing this article hates the bitch who got to have fun yesterday. But I can’t do shit about it!  2: This is more of a pre-emptive step, but if you randomly joke “I want that for my birthday” while pointing at random stuff weeks before your actual birthday, when your birthday finally comes you may be so lucky to receive a pillowcase with ‘Tiddies’ written on it in Sharpie, a book about Norse mythology, a cheap plastic mask that makes you look like the Penguin from the DC universe, a Harry Potter pillow, and a T-Rex Christmas sweater.  3: Build a fort in the lounge and invite anyone who looks at you funny to join in.  4: Ignore your friends and watch Netflix. (That’s self care baby!) If your roommate asks you to turn down the volume, look them dead in the eye and turn it up. Then apologize and turn it down because what are you, a fucking animal? 5. Go and sit on the main green and star gaze. Or cloud gaze.  6. Go to the mall and don’t buy anything, just complain about how expensive everything is and say things like ‘gotta ball on a budget amirite?’ conveniently forgetting that you could’ve afforded those cool shoes if you didn’t spend all your money on bubble tea. (and yes, in the picture I am wearing plaid on plaid. It’s gay couture okay.) 7. Have a jam sesh with your musically talented friends, or if you don’t play any instruments like me (I mean, I can play the recorder with my nose but I've been told that doesn't count), force your musically talented friends to jam out and enjoy the free concert.  8. Play hide and seek on Pembroke campus. Good luck (you’ll need it). Watch out for the North Campus skunk, Jasper/Pepe Silvia. 9. Last but not least, if your friends are pure and wholesome like mine, they’ll whip you up a Ratty birthday cake. Wanna recreate the delicacy? It's simple.

• Take half a dozen pumpkin cupcakes and scoop the marshmallow frosting off.
• Mash 3 of the cupcakes into a pulp and then mold into a disk shape. This will be your base. 
• Add a layer of marshmallow frosting, and for good measure add some vanilla ice cream into the mix.

• Add another layer of cake and another layer of frosting/ice cream, then decorate your top with sprinkles, caramel filling scooped from some eclair/cannoli hybrid, or whatever floats your boat (more options include peanut butter, jam, the strawberries from the yogurt bar, and crumbled oreos).

• Bone appetite! (uhh the thing sticking out of the top is the 'candle' - a banana stem.

Unless you're some type of kitchen god, your creation is probably going to taste like ass. Unfortunately this was the case for us - but hey, dorms have ovens for a reason. Here's their second attempt: The key to having a good birthday? Surround yourself with the right kind of people.Images via Hannah Parent '22.