Trick-or-Treating: Brown edition

Whether your parents made you stop trick-or-treating because you got “too old” or you convinced yourself that you were “too cool” to go out in your Spiderman suit and face your neighbors, the nine-year-old version of yourself that lives within you still lights up whenever someone mentions trick-or-treating. Sure, you could just go out and buy your own bag of candy in less than two minutes, but nothing beats running around the neighborhood with a bad makeup job and then coming home to find that one king-sized Twix in your pillowcase. But our tastes have changed a little as we’ve grown older and spent time at Brown. We Brunonians may have had a sweet tooth as children, and it’s not to say that we won’t munch on a Sour Patch Kids here and there, but being at Brown has led us to develop some... acquired tastes. Here’s what Brunonians would really want if they were going trick-or-treating this year:

1. A Blue Room muffin. When it's delivered fresh out of the oven with a crispy top and a warm, moist interior, you almost regret using Flex Points when you could’ve used a meal credit and bought two more.
2. An Oreo cheesecake from the Ratty. Foods at the Ratty are hit or miss, but it’s worth choking down that dry chicken to get a taste of this heaven.
3. Edibles. Special brownies for some Brown-ies. Seems fitting enough.
4. A trustworthy friend over 21. Even when you put more effort into looking like 22-year-old you than you will for your actual Halloween costume, a fake ID doesn't always work. Sometimes, it’s worth befriending upperclassmen that can help you out.
5. A candy-flavored condom. Halloweekend is the perfect time for a casual hookup, and with a flavored condom, you get not only protection, but also that sugar fix you were craving.
6. A Blueno Bears Admirers post. Don’t tell me you haven’t looked at a BBA post and wished that it was about you.
7. An A on the latest midterm or paper that you stayed up until 4 in the morning to study for. This is self-explanatory.
8. An internship. Maybe it’s to further your career or maybe it’s to keep those relatives off of your back about your summer plans. With Thanksgiving coming up, you’d rather spend your time enjoying your edibles instead of coming up with lies and excuses (actually applying to things is out of the question).
9. A stable future with a well-paying job, supportive friendships, and a healthy relationship with a significant other who doesn’t care that you didn’t get hired by Goldman Sachs.
10. Validation. Sometimes, all you really want is to feel like you matter, and that you have time to figure out what kind of person you want to be, that who you want to be is okay. Sometimes, all you need is someone to just tell you that you’re important to them, and that they care about you. Because you do matter, and you are important, and you are allowed to make mistakes and grow as a person.

 Sadly, you most likely get none of these things this Halloween. At least you can buy some candy. Images via and via.