Sophomore Slump Part 3: (Not) Going Out

Brown is by no means a party school. For the most social among us, the going out scene generally allows for two, maybe three, ~lit~ nights per week. However, there inevitably comes a point when you wake up cuddling with an empty Jos box and realize two wild nights is two too many. For a few weeks you push through. You buy a few gatorades, dig a nice shirt out of the laundry, and throw back a few drinks. But be warned, there will come a Saturday night when even the faint sound of The Chainsmokers resounding through Wriston Quad won’t get you out of bed. When this time comes, when the clock strikes nine and the group chat demands to know why haven’t arrived at the pregame, you’ll need to be prepared. For your convenience, I’ve compiled a list of foolproof excuses to call upon in this very situation. 1. “I’m sick” – the sick card is a timeless classic. In college, you’re bound to be sick at least eighty percent of the time, so no one will question you on this one. Maybe even mention the words "pink eye."2. “I got food poisoning from the new Bajas” – slightly more specific and just as believable. 3. “Orgo” – just say this word and your humanities friends will back out of the room slowly and apologetically, leaving you to watch Netflix in peace. Even if you're an English concentrator, it may be worth a shot. If that doesn't work, try "CS." 4. "I'll meet you there, I just need to shower really quickly" - little do they know, "shower" is code for get into bed and never move again.5. "I haven't done laundry in three weeks" - it's not your fault you have nothing to wear!6. "I don't want to run into [insert name of person you flirted with seven months ago]" - if your friends really want what's best for you, they won't make you risk the inevitable awkward side hug.7. "I need to rethink my concentration/life plan/entire existence" - go into full existential crisis mode about how you don't know what you want to do with your life. If you're a sophomore and haven't done this recently, you're lying.  Images via, via, via , via, via, via, and via