Really Cool Spring Weekend Wishlist

The biggest event on campus each year is Spring Weekend, when Brown hosts two amazing days of concerts, given by huge stars and lesser known talents alike. Students get some input into which artists are chosen to perform, so the Blognonian has taken the liberty of preparing our wishlist for Spring Weekend 2017! These musicians have been deemed both talented and affordable enough to grace the Spring Weekend stage, and we'd be really excited to see any of them here next April.Unfortunately, statistically speaking, there's no way your music taste is cool enough for you to recognize anyone on this list. They're all indie, underground, and, no offense, probably not the entry-level kind of thing you normally listen to. We just, like, hate anything mainstream because we're super edgy. Everyone at the Blognonian has eyebrow piercings. The Michael Jackson Cover Cover BandThis group originated in Providence when some URI music students went to a Michael Jackson Cover Band concert and were so inspired that they decided to start doing covers of those covers. The numerous degrees of separation from the source material has granted them artistic freedom that is not available to regular cover bands, resulting in hits like "Ballsy Jinx", "Smut Crimea", and "Mint in the Miranda" Henry Wicket and the Rabbit SymphonyMost bands that are composed primarily of small mammals make the mistake of placing the music-composition responsibilities on the human members of the group. Not Henry Wicket. His ensemble features beautiful songs written by rabbits, for rabbits. Pitchfork described one of their performances as "atonal, random, and at least 20% of the band members gave birth on stage during the show. At first it was gross, but then the baby bunnies started picking up instruments. That's artistic dedication." Caroline Nightmare-DansfieldHave you ever been to a concert and just felt too "comfortable"? Caroline Nightmare-Dansfield sought to fix this issue by creating her own style of music, which has come to be known as "harmonic screeching." Her hit singles include "Writhing Serpent," "My Genitals Are Ablaze," and "Trapped in the Closet Chapter 14." Of course, she doesn't do it alone. She is supported by a 12-piece dance troupe made entirely of corpses. The WervThis experimental electronic dance music group uses technically illegal patterns of high frequency sonic bursts that induce severe muscle tremors in listeners. Get ready to shake it on the dance floor! Warning: this experience is apparently very painful. Twwin XMost pairs of twins born with exposed rib bones would take it as a reason to stay out of the public eye. But Lenny and Stenna of Twwin X used their condition as an opportunity to create a sick xylophone duo. Watching these two play some funky rhythms on each other really reminds you of the true meaning of family. We sure hope they get out of Swedish prison in time for Spring Weekend! Dean Maud S. MandelBrown's current Dean of the College is actually better known amongst hipster circles for the pop-punk album she released last December. Featuring not only the crooning of Mandel's voice, but also the sound of smashing guitars, "No One Gets Me" is a collection of angsty anthems you can really listen to while scribbling angrily in your diary. Her most popular songs are "I Cut the Line at PVD Donuts" and "If Someone Doesn't Let Me Walk Paxson's Dogs I'll Scream." Juno and the ConcessionsJuno and the Concessions are responsible for some of the most unique performance experiences in the game. Juno is noted for her beautiful operatic voice, but the real star of the show is her partner, Tim, who sells snacks on stage. Pitchfork described one of their recent performances as "the best Snickers [they]'ve ever eaten." Dumpster ChicksSara, Stacy, Amy, and Cleo are Dumpster Chicks, the only non-music group on this list. If they attend Spring Weekend, they will be delivering a TEDTalk about the repercussions of the overuse of antibiotics in treating bacterial illness. Except Amy, who will be eating garbage on stage during the entire presentation.Images via, via, via, via, and via Jokichi Matsubara '18