Daydrinking: Brown vs. UMichigan

Daydrinking is no fucking joke.Some of us The vast majority of us, as Brown students, rarely daydrink. If done correctly, it's extremely fun. But no matter what, it's exhausting: getting up early to take shots, drunkenly stumbling from darty to darty, trying to sustain the perfect amount of drunkenness to last an entire day, and even attempting to still go out at night in order to continue drinking. Dartying is just not really a huge part of the culture here at Brown (other than homecoming and Spring Weekend).But, boy, is it a part of the culture at UMichigan. They daydrink for every home football game and it is so important to the social scene there that hardly anyone at UMich goes abroad in the fall because "missing tailgating season is not an option."Last weekend, I went to UMichigan to visit my twin sister and to participate in their annual homecoming festivities debauchery. Last month, I also attended Brown's homecoming tailgate.So, of course, this begs the question:Who does daydrinking better-- Brown or Michigan? First criterion: Wakeup timeMichigan--- 8:00 a.m. A frat was coming to my sister's sorority (where I had spent the night) to play dance music and take shots at 9 a.m. THIS WAS WAY TOO DAMN EARLY, especially when one considers that the freaking football game wasn't going to start until 3:30 p.m. I could already tell it was going to be a long day.Brown--- 10:30 a.m. Much more reasonable.Point? Brown. Second criterion: Time actually spent watching football (ew)Michigan--- 2 hours. We had to actually attend, and pay attention to, the game because our dad, a Michigan alumnus, was also there for homecoming and he would've been devastated if we didn't go to the game with him (Don't worry; he's cool. He knew we were hammered and thought it was funny).Brown--- 30 seconds. I met a baby at the game and his mom let me, a drunk girl, play with him for like 20 minutes. Anyone who knows me knows that I love babies. It was incredible. And then I almost immediately left the stadium after meeting this baby. Perfect.Point? Brown. I have no interest in actually watching football and neither do most Brown students! Woo! Go Bears! Third criterion: Drunchies.Michigan--- Incredible double cheeseburgers with grass-fed beef.Brown--- Andrews pizza.Point? Michigan.  Fourth criterion: Social media action. I hate to include social media as a criterion, but it's satisfying as all hell to brag about how much fun you're having (that is 100% the only reason Snapchat exists).Michigan-- My twin took literally 300 photos that day, probably 50 of which included me, and my Snapchat story was ~45 seconds (which is unbelievably long for me) of drunken dancing and funny selfies. Brown--- Not a single picture taken and no Snapchat story. I do not feel comfortable at Brown walking up to random people asking them to take pictures of me and my friends (I feel like it's frowned upon here), but at UMichigan, my sister and her friends had 0.00 problems with doing that. Thus: pictures galore at UMich and not a one at Brown.Point? Michigan. Firth and final criterion: Maintenance of drunkenness over time/whether I was able to rally and go out at night as well

Notably, my level of drunkenness at Brown's homecoming was much more sustained over time than my level of drunkenness at Michigan's. ^

Michigan--- My twin sister and I got way too drunk, way too early. I still do not understand the logic behind drinking at 9 a.m.; you're just asking for trouble. We were both so hungover during the football game that we had to sit through with our dad and, of course, we had to each take a nap (see the location of the blue line from 8 p.m. to 9 p.m. on the graph above). And, other than going out to dinner with our dad, during which we had some casual wine, we did not make it out at night. We snuggled on the couch, watched the the first few episodes from the new season of Black Mirror, and went to bed at midnight instead. What a wild and crazy Saturday night!!!Brown--- I was never too drunk, managed to fight off a mid-day hangover by being at least a little tipsy the whole day (including when I had to go to work from 5:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. yikes), and I even rallied to go out that night. ANOCH was that night and I was not about to miss richard. They are the best and I had a blast at night, miraculously managing to translate daydrinking into nightdrinking.Point? Brown. Overall daydrinking winner: SHOCKINGLY BROWN. The biggest factor in my decision has to be the fact that my sister and I were too hungover by 8 p.m. at UMich to make it out at night. Saturday nights are always awesome and they were basically built into the calendar for the sake of having fun. So why risk not being able to go out on Saturday night for a few unbelievably drunken hours during the daytime? In general, though, Brown is the winner because we don't daydrink that often. I couldn't handle doing that every weekend, and based on the fact you go to Brown, I bet you probably can't either! I don't know about you, but I have simply way too much shit to do to waste so many full days by drinking through them. I much prefer Brown's system of very sporadic darties, but consistent fun on Saturday nights, to UMich's overly enthusiastic, weekly daydrinking. It just makes more sense logistically to be productive during the day and then party at night! But then again, I'm a nerd so what do I know? Image via and graphic by Kenji Endo '18.