The 16 stages of a midterm season melt-down

Brown academic life can be overwhelming, especially during midterm season. If you're stressed, don't worry—we all feel the same way this time of year. Take a look at this list of some #relatablethings to help you remember that you aren't alone in your swampy pit of doom:

1. Another email flickers in your inbox. This one is titled, Your Expected Date of Completion. You open it; it says May 2020.
2. The sofa at the SciLi curves around your body. It is comfortable, but you can’t help feeling nervous. Why do you feel so nervous? The vertical line on your empty word document blinks slowly, mockingly. You have 12 hours to finish this essay that you haven’t started. You glance at the clock. You have 6 hours to finish this essay that you haven’t started. The sofa seems to tremble maliciously against your spine; you could have sworn it was laughing.
3. Your coffee cup is empty but hadn’t you just refilled it moments ago? Upon inspection, you notice a large tooth mark on the rim. That tooth mark was not there before. Out of the corner of your eye, you see an ambiguous shadow flit around the corner.
4. Beep, another email flickers in your inbox. This one is titled, Your Expected Date of Completion. You open it; it says August 2022.
5. The sofa is too comfortable, it cradles you in its loving arms. Sleep, my sweet, it whispers gently into your ear. You scrabble for your pencil and shake your head, even as your eyes slide closed. You have a calculus problem set to complete.
6. Your inbox is flooded with emails; they all say Your Expected Date of Completion. The most recent one came at 6:66 pm. You open it; it says nothing. There is no completion, you will never be completed, there is no date of expiry, you are the cheese of milk, you are an immortal being. Brown will hold you forever.
7. You need to hand in this paper but Canvas isn’t working. Actually, is it Canvas or is it Brown Wifi? You do not know. An error message appears every time you refresh the page. Tears stream down your face.
8. Another email notification, but this one is different. Assignment graded: Essay… you go to Canvas but nothing is there. Where is your mark? There is no mark. You have transcended. Grades are merely a social construct; why do you let them define you?
9. You refresh the page incessantly because you need those grades, they define you, you need them now, where are they??
10. Every time you finish a calculus question, three more seem to take its place. It's a Hydra of Calculus. Unfortunately, you are not Hercules. You are dying.
11. Mid-way through a nervous breakdown over an impending midterm, you suddenly remember: you’re taking this class S/NC! Relax, have a drink. You’re going to be okay.
12. You get your marks back, but it is neither an S nor an NC. It is a Z. What the fuck is a Z? What the fuck do these letters mean? You haven’t slept in seven moons.
13. The dark circles around your eyes seem to get even darker every day. Anyone who looks into your eyes feels as though they are staring into the night sky.
14. You meet a guy. His name is John. John loves the night sky, and you love John.
15. The two of you embark on an epic All-American Road trip. Screw the midterms! As you pass by the third set of traffic lights, you finally feel free.
16. The SciLi sofa calls for you. Even in your dreams, you hear its cries.

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