Faunce Arch Doors
Brown, I love you. I really do — despite the fact that I no longer have a kitchen to cook my meals in (AND I'm off meal plan), despite the student loans that I will probably have to pass on to my great grandchildren, despite the $1.50 cost of doing laundry. But there is one issue that puts my love for you to the test: the outrageously heavy doors leading to Faunce arch.Now, it's no argument that these doors are beautiful, towering over all of us in their glassy splendor, gleaming golden like the sun. It's just that I am sick and tired of having to summon Herculean strength whenever I want to get a muffin (which, like many of us, is a lot of the time). Listen up, Brown: I am an average student of below-average strength, and these doors are truly hindering my ability to access Faunce.And in the winter, with the wind blowing? Forget about it! Due to a cruel twist of physics (I think?), these doors create some kind of suction force (I think) which make them impossible to open (unless you're a heavyweight champion or "Swift as the coursing river/With all the force of a great typhoon/With all the strength of a raging fire/Mysterious as the dark side of the moon").I am sad to say that on days when I simply cannot expend the effort, I loiter under the arch until someone leaves the building and holds the door open for me.
Brown, I chose you for a lot of different reasons and one of them is your collaborative spirit. So, I came up with a couple of different ideas for you. Please refer to these when you are considering what to replace the impossible doors with.
- The Shower Curtain
This is a great alternative. A shower curtain is not only easy for everyone, but it's also extremely cheap! During the hot months, shower curtains allow for a nice breeze to come in. This one even features a bear, in honor of dear old Bruno.2. The Bead Curtain
Just like the shower curtain, the bead curtain is easy and breezy. Plus it offers you one additional advantage — it's super hip! We both know that the 90s aesthetic is in right now (I'm looking at you, chokers). Show your students that you know what's up.3. The Moat with Drawbridge Door
I know, I know, the shower curtain and bead curtain aren't suitable for east coast winters, which is why I'm suggesting the moat and drawbridge door. The moat offers security — kings of the Middle Ages used moats to protect their castles for a reason. It also offers a barricade from the snow. Lastly, and most importantly, this combo does not require me to expend any effort at all because it is lowered by another person.Brown, I hope you take my suggestions to heart so that we can put an end to all this door nonsense.With love,Claire Images via, via, via, via, and via.