Blognonian and CCB Present: Senior Superlative Results

Best First Year Unit: Unit 7 (Jameson)Unit 7 (a.k.a. Jameson Bond 007) was on fire! (At one point, not just figuratively.) Lasting friendships were built, unforgettable memories were made, and so much fun was had. "We could not have asked for a better collection of people or a better first-year experience. 3^rd floor Jameson was the place to be!"Best couple that never dated: Joey Botros and Russell CareyProvidence’s epic snowstorms have a way of bringing the Brown community together. The relationship between Russell Carey and Joey Botros began with a Facebook petition that garnered over 1200 signatures urging Carey to cancel classes in the wake of a snowstorm. Carey’s response and the highly publicized correspondence that followed chronicled an unlikely, yet beautiful, friendship between a Brown administration member and a student who didn’t want to go to class in the snow.Most likely to come back for Binder: Aaron RosenthalAaron is so excited to have been selected as the Most Likely to Come Back for Binder! He can assure everyone that his continuous presence at Spring Weekend and Senior Week will be a tradition for years to come, as he pushes to get his number of Binder concerts seen up into the double digits. "Thanks again everyone, and can’t wait to celebrate Binder’s 30^th Anniversary this year with y’all!"Most likely to work on Capitol Hill:  Elena SaltzmanElena is #honored to receive this superlative, which she finds thoroughly amusing since she has never actually worked on Capitol Hill. While she has worked for a couple of congressmen in their ~district offices~ and lurked around other federal buildings in DC for two summers, Elena can usually be found on campus sleeping behind a laptop covered in campaign stickers and aggressively nagging everyone she knows to register to vote. (Relatedly: DON'T FORGET TO REQUEST YOUR ABSENTEE BALLOTS. GO DO IT RIGHT NOW.)Elena looks forward to an illustrious career in public service, where she hopes to use government to make people's lives better and someday be compared to C.J. Cregg/Leslie Knope/Ariel from The Little Mermaid, from whom she draws all her strength and inspiration.Most likely to be "in a meeting": Dakotah RiceAs it seems most Brunonians know, Dakotah has discovered a tiring yet rewarding sequence: class, internship... then meeting, meeting, meeting. Wait, did I mention meeting? Over his time at Brown, Dakotah has held a leadership position in 10 clubs and has been a member of numerous others. He has served as the Finance Chair of both the Black Student Union and Queer Alliance, a Swearer Center Community Fellow, a coach and coordinator for the Rhode Island Urban Debate League, a board member of the NAACP, an Undergraduate Representative of the President's Committee for the Events of October 29th, an appointee of the Student Conduct Board, a representative on the Undergraduate Council of Students, the chair of the Undergraduate Finance Board, and is also the founder of Black in Business at Brown (an organization dedicated to increasing the representation of Black students in recruiting here at Brown and across Corporate America broadly).Having been in so many leadership positions across a plethora of organizations, Dakotah is definitely one hard-working busy bee. It's no wonder he's always in a meeting!Best friends: Liam Dean-Johnson and Naomi VarnisLiam and Naomi (a.k.a. Libby and Nomi a.k.a. that Australian guy and ~Layla~) accept this award in the spirit of chicken and waffles, Beyoncé and Nicki (feeding each other burgers), and jungle juice and bad decisions.Their relationship has spanned the personal (is it a ~sex thing~?), professional (ADOCH 2014), academic (doing 100 in the 25 decibel section), residential (#blessedbemyroommate), and international (seriously, 4 countries) realms with equal parts wonder and Carlo Rossi moscato sangria. Their favo(u)rite pastimes include listening to Carly Rae Jepsen’s magnum opus E•MO•TION with the windows down, spooning by twinkle light, and trips to Apsara with their third half Alissa/Aloobi/Alobbi Rhee.Their proudest achievement in college was the charitable donation they made to meet the Domino’s $10 delivery minimum on December 7, 2013. Catch their virtual holographic course, AFRI2901/AUST1002: Bow Down (Under): On Afro-Australian Solidarity and Its Discontents, coming to Banner/Courses@Brown in Fall 2032.Cutest couple: Johnathan Davis and Thea BelayIt all started when Thea and Johnathan met on the the third day of Excellence at Brown, a pre-orientation program before freshman year. However, their cuteness really began on campus October 31st, 2013 that was sparked by a dance at Harambee House (S/O to the Bey!).On this campus, you probably know Johnathan as the dude with the loudest sneeze in America, who is always sporting some sort of military paraphernalia, and Thea as the girl with the gnarly RBF who frequents the GCB like it’s her job. Although individually they may seem daunting, together they make Brown University’s Class of 2016 cutest couple.These days, you’ll most likely find them spending time at their favorite restaurant, 214 Bistro, studying together in the basement of the SciLi (either completing the SciLi challenge or being scholars), or simply basking in the sun on the main green. After graduation, the cutest couple will continue being cute, but from afar. Johnathan plans on taking his talents back to South Beach Atlanta to pursue consulting, while Thea continues to elevate her status as a scholar at the Alpert Medical School. Don’t worry, FaceTime and monthly flights to Providence will keep their cuteness going strong!Most likely to have their own reality TV show: Jarred Turner"I guess Black queers make for a good show lol.. Wait… are the cameras still rolling?”

//cut to intro credits//

PRESENTING: This season’s newest collab coming to you fresh from the producers of Keeping Up with the Kardashians and I Love New York, Deconstructing The Delectable, prime time television’s top-rated and critically-acclaimed reality TV show since Teen Mom and Jersey Shore. This revolutionary take on reality TV will intimately acquaint viewers with the life and times of the #legendary Jarred “Turn Up” Turner, First Born of Sophia Dalce, heir to the Throne of Shadé, member of The Fold, and acolyte of Team Class.

Prepare to partake in all of Jarred’s outrageousness and ascent to #FinalForm as graduation approaches and the call of corporate America brings Jarred closer to starting the professional rat race at BlackRock. You won’t want to miss all the unforgettable laughter, scalding tea, side-eye, and thots with thoughts as Jarred gives you unparalleled access to Brown’s finest and everything else that’s in the #NeedToKnow.

Be on the lookout for the debut this spring and make sure to find out what exactly makes Jarred *soo #delectable* (because, we know you know we know you want to know anyways).

Social media royalty: Elijah McGregor FortsonElijah McGregor Fortson is a F&GCoC (Fake & Gay Capricorn of Color) double concentrating in MCM and #AppliedHashtagTheory. He did not not immediately schedule a photo shoot when informed he would be receiving this honor. When he is not dragging racists online or pretending to be embarrassed about that time he danced on a table, he can be found chugging Moscato in Zeta Delta Xi, the non-ironic fraternity in which he is a non-ironic brother, non-ironically.After he (finally) graduates he plans to join Taylor Swift’s #squad and marry your wealthiest dying relative. Though he won this award on the strength of his Facebook posts, Elijah is branching out to other forms of Social Media. You can slip into his DM’s at: Instagram: @BlackKhaleesi, Twitter: @OliviaPotpourri, Tumblr: @LacosteIntolerance.Best off-campus house: Thots R UsThots R Us is a 5-star venue for #workworkwork-ing and #twerktwerktwerk-ing. This premier School of Thot in Southern New England boasts three floors, all classically trained in the  instruction of the turn up and each with their own area of #expertease: The Den of Debauchery, ~*Thots Quarters*~ and <<The Penthaü$ Pá!àcê>>. Experts in mixology, Twerk Friday artists-in-residence and regular sleepy bitches, if you see us around campus, we all answer to “that hoe over there.”Most Brown famous: Sazzy GourleyYou may have seen Sazzy unicycling at variety shows, doing flips off a diving board, or filling your inbox with way too many mass emails that start with HEY BROWN! He loves nothing more than saying hi to everyone walking down Thayer St. and is always looking to share a pint of ice cream with new friends. Life in the #spotlight can be tiring though, so Sazzy's hoping for a strong nap to GCB ratio this senior spring.Most transformed: Justice GainesFor those of you who didn't know Justice xyr first year at Brown, xe started out here a socially unaware, *transphobic*, Obama-obsessed, poli-sci/IR "let everyone speak" type... well yeah. (Xe's still a mess but a different type of mess these days).  Xe's been blessed with friends and mentors who've allowed xem to be complex, to make mistakes, to learn and grow and understand xemself in ways xe never could have imagined when xe first stepped foot on this campus. Thank you to everyone who voted!Xe believes xyr transformation these last four years has been for the better. Xyr first year, Justice took a seminar called "Who Am I?" and one of xyr friends would joke "Do you know yet?" Even though xe'll continue to learn and grow, Justice can now answer that question "Yes."Best smile: Aanchal SarafFew things in the world make Aanchal smile more than a good meal or a cute baby, other than perhaps the prospect of tearing down systems of structural oppression and imagining a more just world that values all of its people. But for now, she’ll happily laugh with tiny humans over shared plates of the ​​peapod leaves at Apsara. Aanchal dedicates this award to Grace Lee Boggs–may she rest in power– and to Dr.Keaton, who trapped her pearly whites in braces for a smooth three years. At the time, she and her fellow metal mouths made up rumors that Dr.Keaton was “pure evil.” She publicly rescinds these false allegations in light of this honor.Most Slytherin: Lyall StuartEnemies of the heir, beware.Most likely to take down corporate America:  James JanisonAs an IR student, James is interested in how international economic and political systems generate growth and create and undermine injustices. The big moral seems to be that if you want a type of capitalism that fosters growth and human dignity, you need to effect these changes systemically. You can’t wait for the mercy of benevolent business people or politicians. And you need a citizenry that never fails to question authority.Most likely to perform at Spring Weekend:  Dolapo Akinkugbe (DAP)DAP The Contract, 22, is a producer/classical pianist/rapper, born and raised in Lagos Nigeria and London UK. He started playing the piano aged 4, producing at 14 and rapping at 17. He released his fourth mixtape GoodBye For Never, a sequel to his second GoodBye For Now, on October 27th, 2014, which the Source magazine labeled "the best mixtape of 2014". In late December 2014, he put out a joint project entitled Jam On Scones with Shane Chubbz under their duo moniker The Contract, for which they had a release show on November 29th 2014 in London at the Saatchi Gallery. In September 2015, he recorded at the renowned Abbey Road Studios in London after being selected for a competition produced by Converse.Best dressed:  Anselmo Fuentes

"Ever wonder why it took me 18+ years to come out? Well... If you had my closet, would you want to?"

~Phresh OUT the Runway~Consistency. Versatility. Anselmo.S/P in Form, XXXL in Function #URBNMade in Mexico / Hecho en MéxicoImported into U.S. by Fuentes-Ceballos, Inc.80% Suave/ 20% ODFirstGenFabric-- sin complejosHandwash and Air-dry only #NoNeedToBePressedLocally produced & #SweatFree BUT always fashionably-lateWarning: Keep out of reach from mismatched basics and bigotsInfluenced by Chemo’s Creativity/Bargain-Hunting, funded by Papi Gates

Most likely to be at the GCB: Christine MullenChristine Mullen can be found at the GCB on Sunday evenings, during last call, or on the nights before her finals. She spends an aggressive amount of time trying to convince her friends to attend with her and has never refused an invitation to go. While Christine enjoys everything the GCB has to offer, her go-to drink is a vodka cran and she prefers pool over darts. She believes that her membership is the smartest investment that she has ever made and usually keeps it on her person - in case of emergencies, of course.Senior not to mess with: Priya PatelPriya is a relatively small human being who has convinced herself that she's really large. But how tough is she? Well, she'll have you know that she stubbed her toe last week while watering her spice garden and only cried for 20 minutes.Most likely to actually complete their Brown bucket list:  Héctor Peralta

Héctor knows YOLO is the motto. He understands millennials' FOMO, and seeks to reclaim the term as a positive ideological identity. Let us thus look at how he did "the most" during his 4 years at Brown, so that you too may learn how to best ~carpe your diem~

Héctor lived in EmWool, Keeney, & YoungO, annually consumed naked donuts, performed with Mezcla, Badmaash, & Mandé, challenged the Ratty, SciLi, & Louis'/Louie's, and facilitated two TWTP workshops. Héctor, as a self-identified sapiosexual (#TalkNerdyToMe), pursued a double-concentration while taking classes in 11 different academic departments. As one of the resident DebaucherousNightlifeSupremes of THOTS-R-US, he has reveled in the luminosity (cuz it was LIT) of SexPowerGod, Spring Weekend, #TWERKFridays@EGO, Lupos, Colosseum, Ebony Soirée, Ultra, Latinx Gala, FunkNight, Day Glow, and Campus Dance (just to name a few.) Most impressively, Héctor always balled on a budget, collecting checks fromBuDS, Bussel, VenLAB, BCSC, ResLife, Library Services, DoC/CRC, TAPS, and Dr. Cohee.

If you would like to learn more, be sure to catch his up-and-coming memoir titled, "Kicking Ass and Taking Names: An Auto-ethnography on Living for Today."

Most likely to write a best-selling novel: Paige MorrisPaige Morris grew up in Jersey City, New Jersey. Her earliest-known works, circa 2000, feature alligators, wealthy socialites, and a number of other things she doesn't actually know anything about. Now, at age 20, she writes stories about ghosts, memory, identity, Blackness, and magic. These are things she knows slightly better, but she's always in the process of learning.P.S. Ask how her novel's coming along at our five-year reunion. Please. Hold her accountable.Most likely to create the next Facebook:  Dylan GatteyDylan is a senior studying computer science and about to graduate to the real world. He designs by day, codes by night. Creating the next Facebook requires going behind enemy lines. So Dylan's working at LinkedIn. We'll see how that works out. At least he'll get connected. He likes minimalism and clean design, so don't be surprised if the next big thing is already here. Find him tweeting @Snapchat through Instagram, using screenshots from Github. Or something.Most likely to fall asleep on the Main Green: Stanley StewartDon't ever let anyone keep you from your dreams.Most likely to have never set foot in the Sci Li: Harkaran UppalThis is the best thing that Harky's friends could have selected him to win! Harky in the Sci Li? Wut? Why? Maybe for the Sci Li challenge perhaps! He doesn't really know much about the Sci Li.Best Sports Team: Women’s Rugby TeamBrown Women's Rugby has a legacy of strength, competition, dedication, teamwork, and support. Together, we collectively represent the bold, the beautiful, and the fierce. In our second year as an NCAA varsity sport, we finished 4-1 in the Ivy League and are competing against two National-level teams this spring. The dedication of our teammates, coaches, and alumnae is unsurpassed, and we always aim to continue the legacy of Brown Rugby.Most likely to host a game show: Sam Heft-LuthySam Heft-Luthy has had his aesthetic referred to as "Camp Talent Show MC," a title which he hopes to incorporate into every essence of his being. After a 3rd-place finish on Jeopardy! in 2014, Sam has brought his trivia-focus back to Brown, where he hosts Pub Quiz nights for friends and tries to guess actors' names without Googling them.Most likely to have a highly-watched TEDTalk: Manuel ContrerasManuel “Prince of America” Contreras will (TED) cruz on to stage, where he will deliver TED Keynote 2029 “From Boy to (Man)uel: Rules for Sorta Radicals” in which he will remind people he is not exceptional, but rather an exception; that individual (re: neoliberal) success stories should not be used to distract from oppressive systems and state violence; and end with an arousing dance number to “Bidi Bidi Brown Bom.”All images and words via the winners.